


some boys are sleeping alone

by asphodelgrimoire



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aaron Burr Has Trust Issues™, Aaron Burr is Trans, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cunnilingus, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Thomas Jefferson's Wild Parties™, Trans Male Character, and eventually we'll get to, eliza is a good friend, only sort of graphic violence, pertaining to sixth chapter:, pertaining to the first chapter:, pertaining to the third chapter:
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-15 09:56:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5781466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asphodelgrimoire/pseuds/asphodelgrimoire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He pulled away, unable to hold the thought in. “Have you never kissed anyone before?” It came out much less condescending than he had wanted it to, and more curious. Truly, he just wanted to get a rise out of Burr, he didn’t really care about the man’s romantic history. He assured himself of that.</p><p>or alexander hamilton's brain-to-mouth filter is a void and aaron burr's trust might as well be a paradox.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> when ur friend is up on the skype chat like "trans aaron burr getting eaten out ;))))" and instead u turn it into multichaptered relationship drama
> 
> yes gabe i know you will hate me for this  
> and i don't give a fuck
> 
> for the record, in this AU, aaron has had top surgery and pretty much doesn't have genital-related dysphoria at all, and he's not open about being trans. keeps a low profile so no one goes digging through old yearbook photos ya feel me
> 
> also there will probably not be any more porn for this story other than in the first chap (unless i have a v sudden change of heart and decide that alex just really likes eating him out bYE) but feel free to let me know what you want to see. as always i love comments.
> 
> AND ASK ME ABOUT THEIR MAJORS. ANYONE'S MAJOR IN THIS AU.
> 
> the title is from "some boys" by death cab for cutie and makes this story sound much sadder than it is ok

“I don’t think I remember inviting you in, Hamilton.”

“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not a vampire!” Alexander exclaimed, right after pushing his way into Aaron Burr’s dorm. As much as he wanted to argue with Burr, that wasn’t what he came for, and what he came for was more important than having a fruitless debate about prison reform. It was one of the rare times he had a purpose, other than bothering Burr, to visit the substance-free Cicero Hall. Well, maybe this was bothering Burr, but it didn’t matter. It was paramount.

“How many times do I have to tell you, _that isn’t the issue,_ ” Burr hissed lowly, but closed the door once Alexander was in. “What do you want from me now?”

He didn’t waste any time getting to the point. “Madison and I are writing these essays about students’ rights, and you’re gonna write one with-“

“No. I am not doing anything of the sort,” Burr’s eyes narrowed, and he turned away briefly to stare out the window above his desk. He shook his head. “I’m not.”

"Fundamental rights! They’re important, Burr, whether you think so or not. You’re persuasive, and we need someone who the board will listen to,” _And also someone who hasn’t repeatedly snuck into upperclassmen’s’ dorms at night with a verbal bone to pick,_ went unsaid. “Just one essay, you can even write about equal opportunities for all genders, or-“

“No, Hamilton. I’m not going to write a thesis just so you can get _your_ point across to the board. You can do it yourself, can’t you? It doesn’t seem like it’s been hard for you so far,” he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I do believe fundamental rights are important, but writing an essay about it isn’t going to do squat.”

“25 essays, to be exact,” Alexander snapped, frustrated and disappointed with how this particular social interaction was going. “Why don’t you stand up for what you believe in then?”

“I do, I just don’t do it for _you,_ and for some reason, you think you’re entitled to anything that’ll help your case,” Burr sat down. “You’re not going to change my mind, Alexander. Is there anything else you want to pester me about while you’re here?”

Alexander’s hand twitched, but he didn’t let himself blow up in exasperation. He sighed and joined Burr on the couch, but sat on the arm of the chair instead out of petty vengefulness. “Well, I guess what I’m wondering is, how are your classes going?” He could do small talk. He could have a non-antagonizing conversation with Aaron Burr, and eventually, Burr would think he was so pleasant that he would have no problem writing that essay. Yep. That was the plan.

“Good,” Burr was clearly suspicious but didn’t directly question him. “How about yours?”

-

Nothing was going to plan.

After about 10 minutes of civilized, albeit forced discussion, they had somehow began arguing about Shakespeare’s critics (how the subject came up, Alexander could not remember) and Burr’s tone was getting increasingly more aggravated as the exchange went on.

“Why are you always talking and never listening?” He groaned, glaring pointedly at the other man.

Alexander shrugged. “I don’t know, you can always fix that first one,” he said, winking in an attempt to be provocative. He expected Burr to be repulsed, but when no such expression came forth, only a look of bemusement, he clarified. “I’m saying, that I would have to shut up if you made out with me, just in case you couldn’t tell.”

“I could tell,” Burr replied hastily, but didn’t expand any further on that. After about a minute of silence, Alexander was getting sick of the quiet and shoved his hands into the pockets on his hoodie.

“Look, I don’t know if you’d want to French me or not, but I’m not all that opposed to it, so…” He trailed off and stood up only to sit back down next to the man, and another silence took hold. This one, however, was quickly cut short by Burr who tentatively moved toward him to take the offer. Alexander figured he knew where this was going, and took it upon himself to close the gap. The surprised noise Burr made was priceless, and the kiss was fairly predictable, stiff and unsure on Burr’s part.

He pulled away, unable to hold the thought in. “Have you never kissed anyone before?” It came out much less condescending than he had wanted it to, and more curious. Truly, he just wanted to get a rise out of Burr, he didn’t _really_ care about the man’s romantic history. He assured himself of that.

He looked to Aaron, only to be surprised once again. Burr didn’t look angry at all, he was averting his gaze downward and shifting uncomfortably. It wasn’t even the good kind of uncomfortable. He looked embarrassed. Alexander instinctively reached out to take hold of Burr’s sweater sleeves, and he visibly recoiled. “Sorry,” Burr breathed quietly. “I haven’t, really.”

Alexander didn’t know what kind of nerve he’d struck, but he undoubtedly didn’t like it, and he wanted to apologize, say the other man had nothing to be sorry for, that the question had been out of line. The point was for Burr to be angry at _him,_ not at _himself._ He didn’t get to apologize though, because Aaron was back to kissing him, albeit awkwardly, as if he never wanted to talk about that particular subject ever again. Alexander didn’t want to upset him any further, so he simply reciprocated and pulled him closer by his belt loops. His inexperience wasn’t a problem at all, as it turned out, he was surprisingly pliant when Alexander shifted them so that Burr was lying lengthwise on the couch underneath him.

The whole thing was so he would shut up, but it didn’t feel like that at all. It was hard to try and remember what their argument had been about when Aaron was combing fingers through his hair, and when he himself was smiling into the kiss. He pulled back briefly, silently proud of himself for how little he struggled with getting his hoodie off when compared to how little sleep he’d gotten in the last week.

When the fabric wasn’t blocking his sight, he saw a flash of trepidation on Burr’s face. “What is it?” He frowned. Even though sex might have been on the schedule for him, he was only up for it if Burr was, and that wasn’t the immediate modus operandi anyhow.

“It’s not that I don’t want to… I do. But I don’t think you do.”

Alexander sighed, a bit irritated. “Don’t go all self-deprecating on me now, that’s my-“

“This isn’t self-deprecating. I honestly would be fine with no one wanting to have sex with me for the rest of my life, and it’s not my fault- and you’re fairly open-minded but,” he faltered, as if weighing the consequences. “I’m transgender. I haven’t had bottom surgery, and I don’t plan on it. You can be as liberal as you want in theory, but in practice,” Burr grimaced. “A lot of people are physically off-put by a man with a vagina, and that’s just how it is. I wanted to at least _notify_ you, in case…” he paused again. “I won’t be offended if you don’t want to. That’s all I’m saying.”

Alexander was more understanding than shocked, truly, although there was some of that too. Aaron’s neutrality, his fear of sharing his opinions, his reaction to the question about kissing, it made so much more sense now that he knew. And, admittedly, he felt like an asshole for assuming that Burr had nothing to lose if he spoke up- that he was privileged enough to not lose sleep over it when really, he had more right than anybody to be kept up at night- and felt like more of an asshole over the kissing question. He didn’t say any of this out loud (luckily.) “Wow, I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you say at one time. I’m not ‘off-put’ by that at all, for the record. Not like I haven’t seen my fair share of both sets of genitals, and really- it isn’t a matching game, people, girls with dicks and guys with vaginas aren’t the worst thing that could ever happen,” Aaron laughed at that. “Now, what _I’m_ concerned about is who knows. Am I the last one you’ve told? Was everyone else enlightened while I sat in blissful ignorance?”

Okay, he wouldn’t be that offended if he was the last person Aaron told, really.

Okay, he definitely would be very offended, if he was to be honest with himself.

Burr shook his head, giving a faint smile. “No, the only people who know are you and the Schuyler sisters. I hope you feel special.”

That changed everything. “I do,” he replied _jokingly._ Of course he didn’t care how many people knew. It wasn’t even a big deal at all. Irrelevant. It didn’t change anything. He was, however, touched that Burr trusted him enough to place him in the same category as _the Schuyler sisters_ also known as the official keepers of secrets at the university. Everyone confided in them.

He didn’t want to pry, but he had to wonder. “I am not judging your decision or anything,” Burr gave him a look that said he didn’t quite believe that. “But is there a reason why you haven’t come out to everyone?”

“I would love to say it’s for the sake of my parents’ honor, but really, I just don’t think people need to know. I don’t really enjoy being interrogated, and it’s better if I don’t give people more reasons to hate me,” He shrugged, but his eyes betrayed him. He was afraid of telling the wrong person. He had good reason to be, and now thinking about Burr’s mantra of ‘talk less’ made his chest hurt. It wasn’t pity, but sympathy. He didn’t think Burr would appreciate being pitied. (No one did.) Truthfully, he couldn’t imagine having to make a choice like that. Tell your story or avoid potentially being assaulted. Or worse. Maybe it was easier for Burr, who was naturally private, but he imagined that it had to hurt sometimes.

Alexander vaguely realized that he was in fact interrogating as of that moment. He hid his frown by mouthing at Burr’s neck. “Alright. Do you wanna- take this off?” He tugged at the hem of Aaron’s sweater. The other man looked happy just to get off the tense topic, and sat up to pull the sweater over his head. Once it was exactly where they both wanted it to be (on the floor,) he had time to appreciate the view. Although the same could be said for most people, Aaron Burr was especially stunning with his shirt off. He was all smooth skin and lean muscle and _god_ , Alexander couldn’t help but drag his mouth lower to nip at Burr’s collarbone. In turn, Aaron sighed and gathered his hair up only to let it go and watch each lock spill onto his own hand, repeating the movement several times as if fascinated. That was only a _little_ cute, he swore. Not endearing at all.

Eventually they began kissing in earnest, Alexander running his hands along Burr’s biceps and sides, while Burr only allowed himself to stroke the other man’s back. The pace was slow, purposefully, so that Aaron could get his bearings, but he found himself liking the unhurriedness of it. It couldn’t stay leisurely forever though, and that was made evident when Burr rolled his hips up, not necessarily in an impatient way, but eager all the same. Alexander groaned, dropping his head forward before returning the gesture. He let his fingers stray to the hem of Aaron’s sweatpants.

“Can I-?” He questioned. Finishing the inquiry was unnecessary, as Burr was already nodding and lifting his hips to help. Alexander quickly pushed them down, and they joined Aaron’s shirt on the floor.

“Holy shit, dude, your boxers are like, the exact same color as your pants and at first I thought you were wearing another pair of pants.”

Burr snorted and rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway. “That’s a weird comment to make when undressing a person,” Alexander blushed a bit. “And to think you were questioning _my_ inexperience.”

“I was just worried about falling into the Twilight Zone or something,” He grinned sheepishly.

Another eye-roll and Aaron was grinding his hips up again, raising one challenging brow. “Well I don’t see any ominous portals here,” he quipped.

“Alright, alright, I get it,” Alexander pressed kisses to his chest, moving downward at a moderate pace. Once he had gotten far enough down, he tongued at Burr’s navel briefly, eliciting a jerk. He pulled away and snickered, but soon his hands advanced to remove the last garment. He looked up at Aaron for approval, and followed through when he got a nod in response.

The atmosphere hadn’t been very heavy before, with the light joking and a healthy bit of awkwardness, but then... His own breathing got noticeably more uneven at the sight of Burr all laid out for him. His eyes were burning from a lack of sleep, but he didn’t think he could close them if he wanted to. “Okay, wow. Jesus Christ, Burr, you’re gorgeous.” He only got an agreeing hum in response, which would have made him laugh if he weren’t so suddenly hungry.

Alexander scooted back a little, but ultimately fell forward, Burr spreading his legs without any prompt necessary. He hooked the other man’s knees over his arms and didn’t waste any time with sweeping his tongue across his clit.

This, apparently, was not what Aaron was expecting. He jerked violently and cursed, causing Alexander to pull back, startled. “What the _fuck_?”

“Did I hurt you?” He frowned.

“No, but- what are you doing?” Burr sounded legitimately confused and a bit concerned.

“Eating you out. Well, at least that’s what I was planning on doing?” Alexander looked at his expression, trying to see if this somehow bothered him, or if he was just unaware. “Have you ever watched porn?”

Aaron was indignant. “Of course! Duh. But they never did that.”

 _And the misogyny in the porn industry has failed yet another person,_ was the only thing Alexander could think. _Even men are affected._ “We don’t have to, if it’s too weird, but I can promise that it feels good. Like, good is a gross understatement,” he paused. “From what I’ve heard.”

Burr nodded, if a bit hesitantly and laid back flat on the couch. “Okay,” Alexander nodded back at him before returning to his spot between Aaron’s thighs and deciding to go for a less jolting approach. He licked a slow path up from the center of his folds, stopping to suck on his clit gently. “Oh _fuck,_ ” Burr almost shrieked and immediately sunk his hand into the other man’s hair. Alexander curled his tongue, applying suction where he saw fit. He hummed his appreciation of the hand in his hair and felt it tighten. That came with a noise so stirring that he had to start rutting against the couch just to take the edge off.

“Alex- fuck, please, I need-” Burr gasped and rocked his hips up as best he could.

And, well, he complied. Swirling and poking his tongue further, Alexander pulled one of his hands from where they were presently positioned on Burr’s thighs and brushed a finger against the folds right next to his tongue in question. A small ‘please’ from above was all it took for him to get the hint, and he slowly thrust the single digit in, all the while never letting up on his ministrations. The movement was made smoother by how wet Aaron had gotten already. They both moaned simultaneously, Alexander doing so into the other man’s skin. He couldn’t believe how silky Burr felt around him, and even though he wasn’t going to be able to really fuck him unless he wanted it and if one of them miraculously had lube, Alexander couldn’t help but think of how that velvety heat would feel around his cock. The thought made him moan again, and he crooked his finger inside Aaron, trying to find what he knew he could.

After about a minute of searching, Burr positively _wailed,_ and he figured he’d found the spot. He continued his assault there while lapping around his finger wherever he could. “God, fuck, I’m gonna come, oh god-“ The man below him arched intensely, trembling and pulled taut as a bow string for what seemed like forever. Finally, Aaron shouted when he came and bucked a few times as evidence of his orgasm leaked out around Alexander’s finger. He didn’t pull out immediately, instead choosing to clean the other man by way of tonguing at him until he was squirming again. He did it once more when he finally drew away to catch any extra wetness and even sucked his finger clean. When Alexander got a chance to look back at Burr, he was covering his face with both hands and still trembling.

“What?”

“Jesus Christ,” Aaron breathed shakily, sounding a little- no, a lot- flustered.

“Alex is fine,” He grinned and drew closer, kissing the other man on the cheek (not everybody likes a mouthful of come, after all.) He could see Burr rolling his eyes and then going for the button on his jeans. “Hm?”

“’Hm,’ what? I may be a virgin but I’m not going to let you hobble home like this,” He didn’t exactly know what Burr meant by that until he looked down at his now-exposed boxers. There was a light wet patch where his tip was, and suddenly he remembered that he was hard enough for it to hurt. Which, to put it simply, just reminded him that he was fucking aching. But Aaron, the saint that he was, quickly remedied that and took out his cock, squeezing at the base and dragging his fingers up harshly. It was a bit rough, but Alexander could only watch with wide eyes and think about how long and elegant the other man’s fingers were. It didn’t take very long for him to come on Burr’s hand with a whine, so worked up as he was. He just barely saw Aaron wipe his hand on the discarded sweater with a disapproving look before allowing Alexander to slump onto him.

Burr sighed, seemingly trying to win the world record for most eye-rolls in one hour. Luckily, this one was fond, and he rested his head on the other man’s hair. Alexander grinned stupidly, but neither of them said a word.

In fact, it was a while before either of them said anything. Aaron muttered a ‘thanks’ when Alexander helped him put his boxers back on, but that was mostly it. Burr was still smiling that sweet, unworried smile, and he wanted to keep it that way, but then he had a thought, vaguely remembering what he came for.

“So, how about that essay?”

Almost immediately after the words left his mouth, he regretted breaking the comfortable silence. Aaron’s smile was gone, and he recoiled from the embrace, pushing Alexander away forcefully.

“Is that what this was about?” He hissed, his eyes hard and wounded.

“No, Aaron, I-“

“Get out of my house.”

“That’s not how I-“

“Get. Out.”

“ _Aaron-_ “

“Please,” he whispered, his voice no longer furious and now broken. Physically, he was curling in on himself, and Alexander would have done anything to make him smile and open up again, but he knew there was nothing he could have done then. He couldn’t argue, not when he had fucked up so badly. He just pulled on his pants, grabbed his hoodie, and walked himself to the door. With one last glance at Aaron, who was sitting on the floor and wiping his eyes, he left, gently closing the door behind him.

“Fuck, Hamilton,” he muttered and pulled out his phone. “Why can’t you shut up just once?”

**To: french fry**

laf, i fucked up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so lafayette is genderqueer but uses he/him pronouns in this verse
> 
> and yes i swear alex will fix it ok 
> 
> he can do it  
> yes he can
> 
> also angelica is protective of her queer flock of children do not test her

The reply was instantaneous. It was about 2 PM on a Friday, and neither of them had classes on Friday after a 9 AM lecture. Lafayette was probably sitting around his house, playing some game on his phone, just waiting for someone to talk to him as he usually was at this time when he didn’t have classes.

**From: french fry**

My reaction depends entirely on how badly you fucked up, mon ami

 

 

He took a deep breath before responding.

 

 

**To: french fry**

bad. really bad. can you meet me at the chesapeake place so we can talk?

 

**From: french fry**

Alex, you’re worrying me

**From: french fry**

Be there in 15

 

**To: french fry**

look laf i didn’t murder anyone but it is pretty bad.

**To: french fry**

alright.

 

 

Alexander put the phone back in the pocket of his hoodie, sighing and heading towards the Chesapeake Café. God, he was so fucked. Not only was he fucked, but he had about a 10 minute walk in the cold to muse over just how fucked he was. He couldn’t stop thinking about Aaron’s betrayed look, how he had crumpled to the floor on top of the pile of his clothing. How happy and trusting and open he’d appeared just minutes before.

When he finally got to the quaint historic building in which the café had taken up, he saw Lafayette in the window, drinking one cup of coffee while another sat on the other side of the table. Alexander should have gotten used to Laf saying he was going to be there in 15, and instead getting there in 5, but it still surprised him how such a _bon vivant_ could always make him feel unaccomplished. Sure, he got to lectures early, always. But Lafayette was the one with flawless nail art who had more interest in political history in his pinkie than Alexander had in his entire body. And that was truly saying a lot.

“Alex! Come, sit. Tell me all about this… fucking up of yours, I ordered for you,” were the words that immediately came out of his mouth when Alexander finally walked in. Straight to the point, as to be expected from Laf. Luckily, that was in fact the topic he came to talk about, and even though he knew he wouldn’t enjoy it, he also knew that his only other option was one of the Schuyler sisters. The problem with that, was that they knew about Aaron being trans, and ergo, would probably beat him to a pulp if they heard he’d betrayed his trust. Lafayette didn’t know Burr that well, and didn’t like him very much. As much as Alexander _deserved_ a beating, he _needed_ a solution.

“Thanks, Laf. It’s about Aaron Burr,” Lafayette scoffed at that. “No, really. I know you don’t like him, but-“ he sighed, trying to find the words. “God, I went over to his dorm to try and convince him to write this essay for the students’ rights thing Madison and I are doing, and he said no. He wouldn’t budge, so eventually I tried for small talk,” He scoffed again. “Shut up, Laf, I was really trying, but we just got into an argument about something stupid and I suggested he kiss me to shut me up, because, well, you have to admit he’s kind of hot, and I mean it’s true,” Lafayette raised an eyebrow and made a ‘so-so’ gesture. “And he did, and then we made out and then he told me this secret that almost nobody else knows, and God, Laf, he looked so happy that I wasn’t going to judge him or anything. So we had sort of sex, not like sex-sex, but you know. Kind of sex. Fun was had by all. He smiled so much, I have _never_ seen Aaron Burr genuinely smile so wide in his life. But then I had to go and fucking mention the essay again, and he basically kicked me out of his house because, for completely valid reasons, he thought that the sex was just a bribe for him to write it, and- and fuck, the entire time he talked to me and said what he felt, and then suddenly he was closing up again because I fucked up so bad, Laf, _I want him to know he can trust me-_ “

“Hey, hey, Alex. Look at me,” Lafayette said, his expression having gone from irreverence to concern within seconds. “It’s going to be fine. _Je te promets,_ you did mess up, but I know he will forgive all if you just show him he can still trust you, and obviously explain that you weren’t using him.”

“Wow, thanks, Captain Obvious. For all the rom-coms you watch, you don’t seem to know that the obvious solution of explaining your motives never works, because Aaron fucking Burr will never want to talk to me ever again when my first thought after having awesome sex with him was to say ‘so how about writing that there essay,’ like, what the fuck,” he said bitterly. “What the hell is wrong with me.”

Lafayette rolled his eyes and took a sip of his chai latte. The way his sparkly peach nails (perfect and unbitten as always) clacked on the tabletop suggested that he was getting testy with Alexander’s temper tantrum. “Pick up your damn coffee, it’s getting cold, and I’m guessing that question was rhetorical, but I’m going to answer it anyway. First, you have no brain-to-mouth filter, and _deux,_ you have caught feelings for a very guarded man. Loving someone of the distrustful sort when you are of the tactless sort is difficult,” Somehow that made sense. “Luckily, you have honesty on your side. Face it, _cher_ , you are a terrible liar, and you rarely attempt it anyway. Why would he have any reason not to believe you?”

Alexander nodded slowly, his eyes straying to Lafayette’s nails. “Do you think I can make this right?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged candidly. “But I do think you can try.”

“Wise words from a person who has a crush on the U.S. Politics professor.”

“You shut your whore mouth, Alex,” he scolded, but was grinning as he said it, diminishing whatever effect it might have had. “Now, go find Burr and kiss him in the rain.”

“It’s snowing. And it’s not even pretty snow.”

“You know what I mean, _cher._ And I paid 4 dollars for that coffee, goddammit, drink up.”

-

**To: burr sir**

aaron?

**To: burr sir**

i know you probably hate me now, but i swear i wasn’t bribing you

**To: aaron  
Draft**

i don’t deserve to get time to explain but

 

In the middle of writing his third text, his phone buzzed and a message notification lit up. Sighing, he clicked on it. He didn’t have time for other people when shit like this happened.

 

**From: macaroni fucker**

I hope you’re ready to throw down, bc Burr is on the phone with Angelica, and he mentioned you approximately thrice and has spent most of today at my house with his face in his hands, which I’m guessing is a sure sign that you are about to get your shit pushed in by our very own Miss Angie Schuyler xoxo

 

**To: macaroni fucker**

fuck you jefferson

 

**From: macaroni fucker**

Don’t say I didn’t warn u

 

He wasn’t sure if he was more upset about the prospect of Angelica pummeling him, or the fact that if what Jefferson had said was true, Aaron had been crying for the majority of the day (and had visited Jefferson to do so.) As if on cue, another set of messages flooded his inbox. He winced.

 

**From: the queen**

you are fucking IN FOR IT, you know that

**From: the queen**

he told you!! a lot of stuff!!! and it was about the ESSAY the whole time!!! is that it?

**From: the queen**

he was afraid you were going to tell everyone if he didn’t

**From: the queen**

i had to convince him you weren’t like that

**From: the queen**

what the FUCK is your problem

 

**To: the queen**

ok i definitely deserve this and all because wow holy hell that was so shitty but i didn’t even realize what i was saying, or what it might’ve meant, before i said it. i was just thinking about the essays so i said that, but i swear i wasn’t trying to bribe him or blackmail him please angelica you know i wouldn’t please tell him i’m so sorry and that i know i need to learn how to shut my mouth and that i would never out him please i need him to trust me

 

**From: the queen**

why do you need him to trust you…

 

**To: the queen**

i don’t know yet just please tell him it wasn’t about the essay none of it was about the essay i do care i really do fucking care and it’s scaring me and he trusted me and i fucked it up but i swear i’ll be better.

 

**From: the queen**

do you need me to come over there? i won’t hit you or anything i SWEAR

 

**To: the queen**

no

 

**From: the queen**

ok i know you wouldn’t tell anyone but he doesn’t, and from what I’VE heard so far you just said the wrong thing at the wrong time, but he also doesn’t know you well enough to DISCERN your stray thoughts from something actually relevant. get me? sorry for being so violent, but… you know why i might be pissed about people messing with aaron, right? i know you can fix this

 

**To: the queen**

yeah i know, thanks for listening

 

**From: the queen**

it’s the least i can do after threatening you. also are you coming to jefferson’s party tomorrow? maybe i can get burr to hitch a ride with me? i won’t say that you’re coming.

 

 

Alexander thought about this for a while. He’d already betrayed Aaron’s trust, and if he found out that Angelica had known, that would make it look like they were plotting against him, and then he wouldn’t trust either of them. That was the last thing he wanted. But God, he just wanted to see him again, and he knew that Aaron wouldn’t go if he was going to be there. It was worth a shot though. It was worth not betraying him again.

 

 

**To: the queen**

i’ll go, but you should tell him i’m coming. i don’t want to make him any more upset, and if he doesn’t want to see me, he shouldn’t have to.

 

**From: the queen**

not to be a bitch or anything but you must REALLY like burr bc that is the most mature thing you’ve ever said srsly i think i need a screenshot of this. but okay. i’ll tell him. HOWEVER, i will also probably drag him along whether he wants to go or not bc i want y’all to work this out

 

**To: the queen**

i guess. thanks, angie. i’ll see you tomorrow.

 

 

He sighed. That was not really what he wanted, but Angelica would always be herself no matter how he felt about it. Now that he was in his dorm room, he had even more time to reflect on what he’d done. This time though, he was alone, and had no one to talk to about it. John was out at his Visual Art Studies lecture, he’d already talked to Angelica about it, Eliza and Peggy, despite sweet appearances, would be much less forgiving than their sister, Hercules was the library front desk, and Madison was down with a cold and done with his shit for the moment.

He laid back in his bed, now down to a faded over-sized t-shirt and sweatpants, and contemplated his options. Either sit there and wallow in misery until Jefferson’s party, try to work on that Hebrew assignment but probably end up back at Option #1, get into a Twitter war with Adams and risk stumbling upon Aaron’s social media (which meant more wallowing,) or call Jefferson and whine to him about his issues. None of those options sounded very palatable, but he supposed that a difficult decision was the least of what he deserved.

Option #2 was eventually what he chose, and surprisingly enough, he was able to focus and finish the essay in a timely manner, but just as he expected, he was back to sulking within around 30 minutes. After the work was completed, there was nothing to do, nothing to get his mind off his tactless words. He vaguely recalled that John had drunkenly taped a brownie-in-a-mug recipe to the microwave at one point in time for the exact purpose of saving Alexander from his periods of brooding over his innumerous mistakes, and with that information, he got out the cocoa powder. In hindsight, he should have realized that making a mug brownie wasn’t the best time-wasting activity, as it took around one minute to complete, ergo, not wasting much time at all. He huddled in the corner of his bed and ate it with a spoon, glaring at the adjacent corner of the room with all the hatred he could muster.

That took up a good ten minutes, but when he was done with the brownie, there was nothing to do with his hands while he glared at the wall. Getting fidgety wouldn’t do him any good (although, he supposed, neither did glowering at dust bunnies) so he settled on rolling back and forth on his bed and kicking his feet into the mattress like a five year old until John got home.

By the time he heard the cheeky “Honey, I’m home,” he had almost exhausted himself.

Almost.

When John saw the state Alexander was in, he looked a bit confused. One pillow was in his arms, the other was on the floor, and the comforter was twisted in his feet. The expression on his face surely appeared comical, his brows furrowed as if John had rudely interrupted his tantrum.

“What’s this all about?” His roommate asked, swinging an arm low as he got closer to grab the pillow and toss it back onto the bed.

“I fucked up really badly, and I feel like shit,” Alexander spit out, angry, but not at John in particular. He glared at the popcorn ceiling.

“Aw man,” John sat on the edge of the bed, and patted Alexander’s leg, trying to be friendly but just making him feel worse. “It can’t be that bad.” He was used to these fits.

Alexander sat up abruptly. “Yuh-uh, it is that bad.”

“What happened?”

“I totally betrayed Burr’s trust.”

John snorted at that. “Does he really trust you? And how?”

“Shut up, John, this isn’t funny. He did trust me for a little bit, he told me something about him that _only the Schuyler sisters know_ , and we had great sex, and then I said something stupid that made it sound like I was bribing him to help me write those essays I’m working on. I might see him at Jefferson’s party tomorrow, but he knows I’m going, so he might not bother showing up, and Laf told me to explain myself-“

“But we all know how well that works out.”

Alexander threw his hands in the air in frustration. “Exactly! That’s what I said! He wouldn’t listen though, and seemed to think everything would work out fine if I just explained my motives. Believe me, it was so bad, Angelica even threatened me,” John made a low whistling noise and raised his eyebrows.

“Wow, that sounds fun. Is Burr like… really upset?”

The other man’s voice lowered for a moment. “As in, like, did he throw me out of his house and probably cry the entire day? Yes. Well, the latter is according to Jefferson, so it’s probably exaggerated, but he put the thought of Aaron crying in my head and now I feel even worse about it.”

John frowned and studied the carpet briefly, nodding in understanding before looking back up at Alexander. “I think I get it. Burr really doesn’t trust a whole hell of a lot of people, and if he told you something that only the Schuylers know… That must be a pretty big thing for him. He must think really highly of you,” he paused and looked at his roommate seriously. “Like what if he’s in love with you or something?”

“Okay, but for real, why would you say something like that?” John gave an only half-guilty shrug. “Like, what if I’m in love with him and I just ruined my chances?”

“Well, are you?”

Alexander scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest defensively. “I don’t know, John, am I?”

John seemed to think on that one for a while. He shrugged again and pursed his lips. “Kinda seems like it to me. You’re pretty upset about losing the trust you gained from him in, what, an hour?”

“Only because no one has gained trust from Aaron Burr in an hour before! That’s special!”

“To you, it is, clearly,” John pointed out. Alexander glared. “Look, I’m not trying to argue anything, but maybe the issue is less that you’re special to him, and more that he’s special to you. Not saying he isn’t into you, but I am saying that maybe if you come to terms with how much his trust means to you, then you’ll have a better case when you’re trying to get him back.”

“Wow, thanks for that startling realization, sensei, I can totally go defeat the evil warlock with that life-changing advice,” John sighed and stood up to go sit on his own bed. The truth was, Alexander did appreciate the advice, but he wasn’t in the right mindset to hear it. He was still stuck in his immature, giving-up-is-the-best-policy stage, but as soon as he realized something had to get done, he’d get to it. He just had to get out the frustration somehow.

 

 _Get him back,_ Alexander thought bitterly, _I never even had him._


	3. Chapter 3

He went to sleep early, for once in his entire life, because he would die of boredom if he stayed up any longer, and because he didn’t want to wait until midnight to get a break from sulking. Usually, “early” meant 11 PM. This time, “early” meant 6 PM, before the sun had even fully set.

Unusual was an understatement.

When he woke up, it was dark outside. This wasn’t particularly strange, it was January in New York, and the days were still struggling to last longer. He tossed and turned under his mountain of blankets for a while, but after about half an hour of that, Alexander finally sat up with a huff. The digital clock’s red numbers illuminated the dark room, and when his eyes focused, he could see that it was 4:47 AM. And he could see that John was peacefully snoring in his own bed. At least he’d remembered to turn off the lamp before passing out, unlike his typical routine.

Alexander begrudgingly got up and made another mug brownie.

-

After eating the brownie in the hallway and glaring at every passing freshman (unsurprisingly, everyone had their lives together except him, and the dirty over-achievers had the nerve to wake up at 5 in the morning every day) in the process, he went back inside his own dorm. Alexander sighed as he washed the mug and returned it to the cabinet. He supposed he could work on his laptop until John woke up, but there was nothing really to work on. He had already finished the Hebrew textbook pages, the cultural appropriation counter-argument for Debate, the essay on appeal courts for Government, and honestly didn't need to study for English at all. (It's _English_ , not biomedical engineering.)

Because of this, getting on the laptop seemed like a terrible idea, lest he find 87 messages from Jefferson on Twitter. And yet, he plopped onto the bed and opened it up all the same. Other peoples’ lives were good distractions from his own reality, it seemed. Once logged into all his social media, he discovered that Peggy had scored the part of the title character in the theatre department's latest production, Eurydice, and that Lafayette was going to play her mythical husband, Orpheus. They were currently arguing over how the opening lines should go, and Alexander shot a quick congratulations message to each of them respectively because, ironically, he knew he couldn't add anything to the debate. Theatre was a mystery to him.

He also learned that Eliza was currently at Starbucks with her new friend, Maria. He saw Eliza’s trademark powder blue nails, a Strawberries and Crème Frappuccino- another staple of hers, and some doodles in red pen on the back of her hand. In the background were slightly darker, smaller hands with burgundy stiletto nails peeking out from an equally blood-red coat. If he tilted the screen monitor forward a bit, he swore he saw a nasty bruise on the - presumably Maria’s- left wrist.

Alexander shared the tweet with three coffee emojis and a heart, choosing not to comment on the almost unmistakable bruise. _Shutting my mouth would do me some good,_ he thought, but made a note to himself to ask about Maria the next time he was talking with Eliza.

On good terms.

Which, on second thought, might not have been for a while. Eliza was exceptionally protective of damn near everyone, especially those who confided in her. She took her job as one of the school’s dirty secret advisers very seriously, and had the emotional stability to provide counsel for almost anyone. That same stability also gave her the skill of being subtly pissed off with people. The only hints he’d get were terse smiles, clipped responses, and if what Alexander did was especially shitty, a passive-aggression got thrown in. And this was especially shitty.

“Ugh, Jesus, I can’t keep my mind off it for even a minute,” he muttered, rubbing at his eyes. He was already tired again, but continued scrolling, hoping to find something sufficiently distracting.

He was sure that if Eliza knew about it, Angelica had already told her what he’d said, and he knew Eliza. She knew him. She knew that he would have never done something like that. It would be fine. He swore to himself he wouldn’t lose any friends over stupid shit.

Eventually, he came to two excessively asinine posts on Tumblr and was able to waste a bit of time giving six paragraph responses to each (with sources and a graph for shits and giggles.) Then, he headed off to Facebook to antagonize the Adams’. That took up a lot of the empty slots in his schedule, and he could practically hear Abigail sighing disappointedly, which was a pleasing mental image in itself.

Before he knew it, it was 9:30, and John woke with a start. He didn’t look quite like he’d seen a ghost, but he did appear startled (and sweaty.) Alexander raised an eyebrow at him, and he just shrugged, throwing the comforter off of himself to stumble to the bathroom. It seemed like everyone around him was hiding something, but he had to be a little worried for John. This happened sometimes. Not very often, but sometimes. He never heard any crying or vomiting or any other concerning sounds, so there was nothing he could really question.

Once John came back out, he looked at Alexander with an expression that mirrored his own. “Are you gonna go to Jefferson’s party?”

John scoffed. “And be forever seared with the image of him making out with Angelica? _Again?_ ”

“That was one time! And they were both really drunk anyway, that’ll never happen again.”

“Sure it won’t,” John shook his head and laughed a bit, sitting back on his bed. “Or maybe you’re right, it won’t, and instead, I’ll walk in on Madison blowing him. You know I’m right.”

Yes, yes Alexander did know he was right. “Fine, get drunk and have fun by yourself, I was just _wondering_ if you would _support_ my life decisions and be my wingman but _no,_ you want to sit by yourself and contemplate life on Mars,” he huffed querulously.

“Aww, babe, no,” John grinned and leaned forward on the bed to pat his shoulder. “You’ll be fine without me, just sweep him off his feet- Casablanca-style. Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, he walks into yours, right?”

“Please shut up,” Alexander glared at him, but soon rolled his eyes and laughed. “Alright, but if I don’t succeed, I’m blaming the fact that you weren’t there as emotional support.”

Apparently, John didn’t want to hear that plea, because he continued. “It’s still the same old story, a fight for love and glory!” he sung passionately, then snickered before reaching for his own laptop.

“You are going to make me hate that movie.”

-

In retrospect, he realized as he stared down the gaudy columns of _Monticello_ , coming to the party was a terrible idea. But he was already on the sidewalk in front of the damn place, so it was too late. Only Thomas Jefferson would nickname his house- no, _mansion_. And only he would have a mansion like that in the first place. It was surprising to see such Southern architecture, practically a plantation house, in New York, but Jefferson was rich as all hell and could apparently afford to live in a palace off campus. Something about his father not wanting to leave Virginia.

Too bad about that, since Alexander would have loved to kick Jefferson Sr.’s ass for ever having created the despicable fucker, but hey.

He was going to need all the gin joints in all the world by the end of this, somehow, he knew it.

Alexander jogged up the front steps to the practically vibrating porch and twisted the doorknob. Unsurprisingly, it was open. Chances were that everyone was already drunk, and knocking was going to prove useless, as it usually did at these types of parties. At least the music had a good beat.

The red carpet of the foyer was spotless, and the room itself was empty. As was to be expected, the party was mostly in the back rooms that included a kitchen and bar, a lounge, and a few small closed-off storage spaces for those lovebirds who just couldn’t wait for a cab. The room was also dark except for a hanging light over the similarly carpeted staircase. He ducked to the left of that to go through to where people most likely were. As he had theorized, he found the Schuyler sisters, Madison, Lafayette, and a group of girls he didn’t know sitting in the lounge, listening intently to Jefferson tell a story. Someone, presumably from the bar, had turned down the music a little.

When Jefferson saw him out of the corner of his eye, he smirked a bit, and Alexander internally groaned, taking off his coat and getting prepared for a fight. The other man wobbled a bit in turning around to greet him, but other than that, didn’t seem to be too drunk. “Hamilton! You made it, what a pleasant surprise!” He didn’t think anyone was convinced. “I know Aaron would _love_ to see you.” Alexander gritted his teeth and nodded without saying anything. Bastard. Angelica stood up from her previous position of cuddling with the rest of the girls and whispered something to Jefferson, eliciting a horrified look, then went to him.

“Last time I checked, Aaron was at the bar,” she said and grabbed his arm, pointing to the girls in order from left to right. “This is Theodosia Bartow, Martha Wayles, Dolley Payne, Elizabeth Jumel, Maria Lewis, and Sally Hemings.” All of them waved and smiled. He noticed that Maria had the same bruises in the Starbucks photo, except they looked worse in real life, and he winced. Someone other than him had to have noticed. “Ladies, this is Alexander Hamilton.”

Theodosia, a tall girl with a dark green hijab on, stood up next to Angelica and touched her shoulder. “I was talking to Aaron there, but he said he had a headache and walked towards the front. I think he might have went upstairs.”

“Thank you, Theodosia.”

“You can call me Theo,” she corrected with a kind smile and sat back down to talk with Sally and Peggy. Alexander nodded gratefully, but before going to find Aaron, he stopped to confer with Eliza.

She looked up from her phone to see him coming her way. She stopped him with a hand in the air. “You don’t need to say anything to me,” She smiled sympathetically. “I know you didn’t mean anything by it.”

Peggy muttered something along the lines of, “some of us just always manage to say the wrong thing at the wrong time,” but Eliza glared in her direction, and she shrugged, only half-apologetic, then walked towards the kitchen.

Alexander figured he deserved a snide comment or two. “You’re the best. But I was coming over mostly to ask how exactly to… apologize. And to say hi to Maria.”

Eliza looked at him like he was asking her how to count to ten. “What do you mean, how to apologize? You say, I’m sorry, that was a douche-y thing to say, and I didn’t mean anything by it, now can we make out again?”

“Eliza!”

She shook her head. “It’s only the truth. Where would you be without me?”

“Probably dead,” he admitted with a sigh. Just in time, Peggy came back from the bar to shove a solo cup full of what looked like Coca-Cola (although knowing Jefferson, it had alcohol in it) into his hands with a very serious expression.

“Jack and Coke,” Peggy nodded an affirmative. “Liquid courage. You’re going to need it,” She then went closer to whisper threateningly in his ear. “This is a wedding I need to plan.”

“Oh my god, Peggy, no,” he whispered back, before downing a good third of the cup.

“Peggy, yes,” she said with her hands on her hips.

Eliza cut in with a loud clearing of her throat. “Anyway, about that second one. As you already heard, this is Maria.” The girl perked up at her name being announced, and she smiled flirtatiously. “I met her in my Gender Studies class, and she’s been really helpful with makeup tips and fashion stuff. She has really good taste,” Alexander was tempted to text her later about the bruises, but she looked so delighted by the other girl, he didn’t want to ruin that. Maria put out her hand for him to shake, and he took it, feeling her nails dig into his palm slightly as he let go.

“Pleasure to meet you, Alexander,” she murmured, almost sultry, and almost fearful- like she knew what he was thinking. That only solidified his decision not to mention it.

“You too.”

“I understand you have another _affair_ to get to, so I won’t keep you,” Maria smiled, still looking a bit like a deer in the headlights, and sat down, almost pointedly putting her hand on Eliza’s thigh. He found himself bewildered by her behavior, but she was right. He had business to finish.

He knocked back the rest of his drink and set it down on Jefferson’s obnoxiously purple ottoman, before giving Angelica a meaningful look and heading back to the foyer. He took a sharp left up the stairs and looked at the array of doors in front of him. _Fuck,_ he’d never been into any of the upstairs rooms other than the bathroom at the end of the hall. And there were at least five other doors. Who in their right mind needed that many rooms? Alexander distantly heard Hercules say something- presumably, a joke- and then Lafayette’s laughter over the music and the assorted chattering.

He tried the door at the other end of the hall, but it was an empty guestroom, and then the one to the right of that, but it was a closet. The next door opened more quietly than the other two, and he discovered that a horridly plush carpet was easing the way. _Jefferson’s room_ , he thought, _it has to be. What other room would have this-_ His thought process was cut short when he saw that the curtains of the alcove bed were down, and heard soft breathing.

Alexander stepped forward quietly, continuing until he was next to the bed. He almost tripped on the way there, but was more surprised by what he stumbled on. Aaron’s grandpa loafers. At least now he knew he had the right room. Once at Jefferson’s bedside, he drew back one curtain only slightly as not to wake Aaron with the light streaming in. He looked peaceful there, but a little uncomfortable. He hadn’t even gotten under the blankets, instead curling into himself for warmth, and he looked small in his sweater (this time, a cable-knit purple one) and khaki slacks, which obviously weren’t the best for sleeping in.

Alexander smiled a bit at the image, but quickly remembered what he had come to do. He stroked down Aaron’s arm and shook it gently, trying to wake him up in a pleasant fashion. His eyes opened slowly enough that Alexander was assured he hadn’t startled the man too badly.

“Aaron?” He smiled down, a tad apologetic for both his earlier blunder and also waking him up.

Aaron turned over and sat up with a bit of hesitance- he clearly wasn’t ready to be awake. “What do you want, Alexander?” He didn’t even quite sound angry, just tired, in more ways than one.

 _At least we’re still on a first name basis,_ he thought, before beginning. “I just wanted to… I’m sorry about yesterday. I wasn’t thinking, or more- the problem is I was thinking, but I was thinking about the essays, and you know how I say what’s on my mind, and- I didn’t mean it like, it wasn’t my intention to bribe you into writing, I-I just said it,” He found himself stuttering, truly stuttering, and wrecked by nervousness. Nothing on Aaron’s face could tell him whether he’d been forgiven or not. “So um, I get it if you don’t want to trust me again, but you have to believe that I wouldn’t blackmail you for not writing a stupid essay. I don’t give a single shit about the papers in comparison to…” _You, us,_ he wanted to say, but couldn’t bring himself to put that out in the open. Even though Aaron could probably tell what he was implying, saying it out loud just seemed to make it concrete.

Aaron stared at him for a while, looking at him blankly as though trying to wait out the façade, as though Alexander was going to say he was just joking, and that he’d already told everyone. That moment never came, and Alexander did his best to keep the other man’s eye contact. Finally, “Okay,” he said quietly, simple and void of anything telling.

“Okay?” He sat on the bed and took Aaron’s hand to gauge a reaction.

“Okay,” The hand in his tightened ever so slightly. “Lay down with me?” He was obviously still sleepy, and possibly not present enough to give a proper remission, but still Alexander was ridiculously relieved that he wasn’t crying or pushing him away. He even seemed content.

“Of course,” Alexander slipped off his shoes and settled down next to Aaron in the ridiculously lavish bed, which was, to his annoyance with Jefferson and his damned wealth, extremely cozy. Especially with Aaron’s soft sweater rubbing against his cheek. In response, the man curled closer and cooed softly, seemingly saying nothing of real comprehension, and instead just making small pleased noises. It was adorable, _oh god,_ and it was made even better by the realization that Aaron was _allowing_ him to see this. Trusting him not to take advantage of him when he was at his most vulnerable. Alexander pressed closer, wrapping his arms around the other man and nuzzling his jawline. “Thank you for letting me explain.”

Aaron seemed annoyed that they were back on that subject, but didn’t let his irritation get the best of him. “It really hurt me,” and at that, Alexander pulled him flush against his own body.

“I know.”

“It’s easier to forgive someone when you’re just waiting for them to apologize,” He smiled sadly, his eyes still closed, as if he was internally wishing he didn’t like the man so much. “I was hoping you’d come.”

“Oh thank god, when I walked in here, I thought you’d never want to see my ass again,” Alexander admitted, which elicited a small laugh from Aaron.

“I haven’t actually even seen your ass yet.”

He moved his hands to Aaron’s hips, not quite sexual, but definitely willing to become that at any time. “How mad do you think Jefferson would be if we had sex in his bed?”

Aaron’s eyes widened a little bit at that. “Oh, absolutely rancorous.”

Alexander didn’t know whether he’d scared or excited him, so he backed off a bit. “Is that something you would be okay with?”

“ _Very._ But we should probably wait until the next party, because I’m sleepy right now. Do you think that if I told Jefferson we’d had sex in his bed that he’d give me the mattress?” He clutched at Alexander’s hoodie and pressed his face into the other man’s chest.

“Probably.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look i fixed it
> 
> this is gonna be happy for a while.... for alex and aaron at least
> 
> some other pairings may get prevalent so
> 
> and also i'm using the girls' maiden names since they probably aren't getting married to their historical husbands in this story. mary lewis was maria reynolds' real name, but she apparently changed it to maria at some point. can't find very much info on her unfortunately.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so maria/eliza is definitely a thing
> 
> and thomas jefferson making out with girls to distract himself from his love for madison is also a thing lol
> 
> this talks about maria's situation more, but nothing about explicit abuse, it's more.... suggested.
> 
> also john laurens is a violent space-enthused asexual
> 
> that is all, citizens

After a few blessed moments of comfortable silence, and possibly a short nap, they decided to go downstairs again, even though Aaron was a bit hesitant to dive back into the terribly noisy celebration. He eventually was pulled out of bed by the other man, going completely limp for the sake of being unhelpful. Alexander huffed but didn’t say anything about it, choosing instead to lock their fingers together. “Come on, let’s go, Angelica is probably telling everyone that you’ve strangled me.”

Aaron appeared to be lost in thought when he pulled away. His unfocused gaze was centered on Alexander’s chest, but he didn’t seem to be… looking at what was in front of him. “What do we say when we get down there?”

“What do you mean, what do we say?”

“What are we? If we come out holding hands, there’s going to be questions about our relationship status, so what do you want to tell them?” Aaron bit his lip, staring up at the other man with a look that was equal parts hopeful, doubtful, and worried.

Alexander pondered, not for very long, however. He knew that the answer to that question. He just needed a way to say it. “Alexander Hamilton is in a relationship with Aaron Burr, along with several purple heart emojis and possibly a monkey for good measure. Is that okay with you?”

“We are not updating our status on Facebook to tell our friends who are _literally downstairs_ that we’re boyfriends. And also Facebook doesn’t have emojis. But other than that, yes,” Aaron looked embarrassed for his sake, but he smiled despite himself, obviously relieved by the answer.

“Okay, fine. We post it to Facebook, screenshot it, post it on Instagram, and _then,_ and only then, do we add the purple hearts and the monkey. Let’s make that three monkeys,” Alexander grinned back. “Come on, I guess we have to make the announcement. Can’t wait to see Jefferson’s face when he hears about this. Also-“ he paused, not sure if his next words would be pushing it too much. “-would you like to take the opportunity to… come out? You obviously don’t have to, and I’m not saying I want you to, but, I mean? You know? If you want to-“

“I don’t want to,” Aaron replied quickly, cutting him off. “Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay, don’t apologize for that. I was just wondering. You don’t… ever have to, you know that, right? And I won’t ever to tell you otherwise. Or, if I do, you can put me in the doghouse and set it on fire. You have my express consent to do that, okay? If you’re alright with being private about it, then yeah. I just don’t want you to feel like you… have to hide it, because I know everyone would love you all the same. I’m just saying like, please do what you’re comfortable with. Please?”

Aaron seemed taken aback by this and hugged him loosely, pressing his face into Alexander’s chest yet again. “I will. And I would take you up on that offer of putting you in the doghouse, but for some reason, I don’t think you’ll tell me otherwise. I trust you.”

Alexander blinked, hugging him back. After the stupid shit he pulled earlier, Aaron Burr still trusted him. He could’ve cried. “Oh God, dude. You do not know how much that means to me. I know I’m going to say things at the worst time again, and probably have you kick me out again, because I’m the worst sometimes, but I swear I will always apologize and explain and do whatever it takes for you to forgive me. I mean, really, I was fucking shocked when you asked me to lay with you, because like, I was ready to beg and stop writing the essays entirely if that’s what it took. But for all the rom-coms Laf hasn’t watched, he was totally right about apologizing… and stuff.”

“First of all, I am officially your boyfriend, and you just called me dude.”

“Okay, fine then, _honeybunches._ I was trying to tell you about my _feelings,_ ” he huffed.

“And second of all, did you really go to Lafayette for advice on how to apologize to me?” Aaron seemed much too amused by that for it to be fair. “And honeybunches is definitely not an improvement.”

Alexander looked affronted by Aaron’s clear elation at his choice of confidante. “Look, he’s French, okay? He’s all like, ooh la la, about one hundred percent of the time, and let’s just face it. Who else can I turn to? John’s more in love with aquatic animals and outer space than humans, Madison can’t even talk to cute girls without breaking out into hives, I was convinced the Schuyler sisters would beat me, Herc was working at the library and I’m kind of unfit for a place with a silence policy, and Jefferson was completely out of the question. So, Laf it was.”

“At least your logic is vaguely sound on that one,” Aaron shrugged. “Speaking of other people, let’s get downstairs, alright? We can have this conversation later.”

“Fine,” They walked out, closing the door behind them before tip-toeing down the stairs. Alexander suspected they would have to announce it a second time over social media because chances were that everyone was thoroughly shit-faced by then. They wouldn’t remember a thing.

When they walked back to the lounge, there was quite a scene. Eliza, Theodosia, Martha, and the other Elizabeth were still talking as though nothing was going on around them, but Dolley was clearly drunk and forcing Madison to dance with her. He, in turn, was giving Jefferson a pleading look, but it was in vain, as the other man was too busy drunkenly swapping saliva with Sally (that seemed to be all it was- Jefferson had difficulty managing a real kiss at his parties.) Peggy was laying on the couch as Angelica painted her toenails a bright pink.

Maria had her head in Eliza’s lap, and she seemed to grumble something unintelligible as her skirt hiked up to reveal at least three more bruises, but when Eliza began to stroke her hair and pulled the fabric back down, she was instantly placated. So that was at least one person who knew what was going on. Hercules was laying on the bar, but might have been conscious. Lafayette was rambling in French at the food processor. He appeared to be making a smoothie, but it wasn’t working out too well. The rest of the people who had been in the kitchen were nowhere to be found, perhaps having gone home or making out in the nearest closet.

The room was a mess, and he swore he hadn’t been gone for that long.

“Uh, guys?” Alexander said loudly to get their attention while squeezing Aaron’s hand. Herc lifted his head up in acknowledgement, Sally looked up, causing Jefferson to belatedly realize he was kissing air and subsequently pout, Dolley unhinged her vodka-soaked claws from James when Jefferson turned down the music, and the girls’ conversation stopped. Lafayette was still muttering at the food processor, but he soon gave up with a defeated sigh and leaned back to look from behind the doorway. Maria was half-asleep and didn’t react other than a hum of recognition.

“Aaron and I are kind of boyfriends,” Alexander looked over at the other man to see him smiling a little bit. He smiled back.

Lafayette was the first to comment. “But you’ve been bickering like a married couple for the whole semester, no?”

“Wedding, yes!” Peggy fist-bumped the air, clearly pleased by the news.

“Congratulations,” Angelica and Eliza said simultaneously. Their tones were completely different though. Angie was smirking knowingly, while Eliza beamed and clapped for the couple. Maria seemed displeased by the loss of a hand in her hair but gave them an upside-down thumbs-up anyway.

“Really? Him?” Jefferson turned to Aaron and gave the most disdainful look he could possibly muster. It was almost impressive. Soon though, he sighed and rolled his eyes, spinning around in his chair. “Fine. Congrats. I guess.”

Alexander smiled at him falsely. “I would say you’re jealous.”

“Of Burr? Absolutely not,” he scoffed. But the sideways longing look he threw at Madison’s back said enough about who his jealousy was directed at. Alexander almost felt bad about it, but not truly.

The girls all seemed happy for them, albeit a bit confused as they didn’t know either man very well. Theo clapped with Eliza and directed her smile mostly at Aaron, winking at him. It wasn’t flirty, more of an innocent ‘I told you he’d come around,’ if anything.

Hercules looked up and didn’t say anything, but gave a thumbs-up and then flipped Alexander off, as if to convey ‘I’m happy for you, but I’m sleeping, so get the fuck out.’

Madison just shrugged. “Unexpected, but okay, I guess. Not really announcement-worthy.”

Jefferson leaned over the arm of his swivel chair as far as he could to look intensely at Alexander and whisper, “Yeah, that’s right. Not announcement-worthy, Hamilton.”

Alexander rolled his eyes.

Aaron, on the other hand, looked a bit overwhelmed. “Are you alright?” He asked quietly.

“I’m not used to getting this much attention, really,” he paused and nodded. “But I’m okay.”

He had forgotten that this was probably the first real relationship Aaron had been in, and that thought made him simultaneously proud and guilty. But Alexander just squeezed the other man’s hand again, and he smiled genuinely. It was okay.

“Do you want to go?”

Aaron nodded slowly, not appearing urgent but certainly pleased with the idea of going home. “Yeah, um, I'd prefer that, honestly. And anyway, your dorm has lax rules on staying after midnight, so I could just... stay, if that's okay?"

Alexander didn’t like the uncertainty in his voice, so he nodded fervently. “I’d love for you to stay the night,” he said quietly, leaning in to press a kiss to Aaron’s forehead. It seemed like nobody was paying attention to them anymore, going back to what they were previously doing before the pair had come downstairs. He heard Laf and Hercules having a conversation that seemed to anguish the former person, but he couldn’t make it out over the other chattering and the music. There was a lot of wistful sighing involved, so he theorized that it was probably about Professor Washington. Herc just patted him awkwardly, like a father trying to console his teenage daughter over terrible bra sizing. Whatever it was, it wasn’t bad enough for him to have any reason to stay. Laf had a reputation as a weepy drunk anyway, just most of the time he was longing for _France,_ not a saucy professor who was a good 25 years older than him.

Before they departed though, he went over to kneel by Eliza who was still holding an unconscious Maria Lewis. “Hey, make sure she gets home safely. I know you will, but-“

Eliza nodded curtly, giving him a ‘shh she’s sleeping’ look and whispering back, “She’s coming to my apartment after this, so it’ll be fine.”

Alexander lowered his voice even further. “Do you think she needs bruise cream? I have some, and I’ll probably be up tonight, so…”

“Thank you, Alex, but I can take it from here. She would take that as pity, unfortunately, but I have Advil, and I think that won’t scare her so much,” It was practically a question.

“Yeah, yeah, it won’t. If you need anything though, I can be over there at any time, you know that?” Eliza nodded at that and shooed him off. Alexander stood back up (not before saluting her) and stepped over a few plastic cups to avoid knocking them over.

When he got back to Aaron, Alexander shrugged and took his hand again. “Alright, ready to go,” Aaron gave him a look, but didn’t say anything. “I’ll explain while we’re walking back.”

“You walked here?”

“Well, yeah, my dorm is much closer than yours,” Alexander explained as they headed back into the foyer.

“What do you think that means I did?” Aaron crossed his arms over his chest.

Alexander shrugged again. “You biked here? I mean, you’re staying at my dorm, so you can just pick up your bike tomorrow, right?” He’d handled more disconcerting transportation issues than that, so it didn’t seem like a big deal.

“Fine, but if a drunk Dolley Payne steals my bike, I’m blaming you,” Aaron huffed, but as he said it, also opened the door to walk into the bitingly chilled air.

“For some reason, that seems like something she’d do, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. She’d crash it before she could get out of the driveway.”

“Somehow, that doesn’t make me feel any better. Anyway, what was the conversation with Eliza about? If you want to tell me, of course,” Aaron was looking up at him with well-meaning curiosity, and he really did want to tell someone about the situation with Maria. And Aaron was an especially good candidate, because for one, he was Alexander’s boyfriend now, and additionally because he wasn’t the type to gossip. He was the opposite of a troublemaker, tending to remain reticent for the majority of the time.

As they walked close together, he sighed. “Did you notice anything off about Maria?”

Aaron shook his head. “No, I thought she was nice enough, a bit salacious, but nothing terrible.”

“No, I mean… I’m just going to take a wild guess and assume that you didn’t see the bruises on her wrists and legs. I saw a photo of her earlier and noticed one bruise, so I was already looking for more when I noticed her at the party.”

“ _Bruises?_ Like, kinky sex bruises or-“

Alexander shoved his hands in his pockets. “No, definitely not. The one on her wrist isn’t that bad, but the rest would probably be grounds for hospitalization. Too violent to be anything accidental.”

Aaron, for the most part, looked horrified. “What does Eliza plan to do? Does she even know?”

“She doesn’t want Maria to feel pitied, but she is letting her spend the night and readying her Advil. I’m not sure who or what caused the bruises. I think maybe they live at Maria’s place, so that’s why Eliza doesn’t want her to go back there. She knows what she’s doing, but I’m not sure _I_ know what she’s doing. Eliza is smart, and I trust her to do the right thing. Even if I don’t know what the right thing is.”

“I don’t know what it is either,” Aaron looked up at him earnestly. “Sometimes I think there isn’t anything you can do other than be there for a person in that situation.”

Alexander looked back at him, displeased greatly by the feeling that there wasn’t anything he could do. He was helpless in trying to save a girl he barely knew. “I think you’re right, but that I should just talk to Eliza about it more, because like, we hardly know anything about her situation.”

Aaron bumped their arms together, and from that point forward in the walk, was literally connected to him at the hip. “We’ll figure it out,” he said quietly after a while of contemplative silence. Alexander was almost embarrassed by how soothing it was to hear that in the other man’s voice, but he couldn’t help it. Aaron, despite all of their arguments, had a way of calming him down no matter what he was doing. At one point, they had been in a heated debate, but it got too personal for the both of them, and while Alexander resorted to self-deprecating measures, Aaron took out his knitting and hummed softly in the midst of otherwise silence. He had almost fallen asleep to that, in a trance as he stared at his hands’ repetitive motion until he couldn’t remember why he was angry in the first place.

Another, Alexander had gotten into a fight with a guy while going to get drinks with his friends. When Aaron saw him by chance, he just sighed, dragged the other man to his dorm, and started talking about nothing as he got to work on cleaning a particularly large cut. And nothing was meant quite literally. It didn’t reveal anything, maybe about a Bible quote or a book that was required reading at Aaron’s high school or a story about a Roman emperor. He couldn’t quite remember, as he was barely listening. Alexander just closed his eyes as the sting of hydrogen peroxide faded, and very nearly tripped on his way out of the dorm because he apparently noticed things better after a few shots of tequila. And in this particular instance, he noticed Aaron Burr looking at him with fond shining eyes as he opened the door, and that piece of information- he could do without. At the time, at least.

The most recent time he’d realized that Aaron’s reputation of being a pacifist was absolutely true, the phenomenon wasn’t even directed at him. Laurens and that douchebag Charles Lee had been in a fairly serious fight outside of the library, Alexander watching from the inside until it looked like the altercation was becoming physical. The last thing he needed was Laurens getting arrested for assault… again. He’d stepped outside just as Aaron had been walking in. He stopped at the two quarreling men as well. He’d looked at Lee, then at Laurens, then he made a small frustrated noise, as though he couldn’t believe he was having to deal with them. “Fighting like dogs, are we?”

Lee scoffed. “Dogs wouldn’t be as petty as a certain human in this case.”

“Hey, one thing we can agree on,” John noted, the snark not lost on anyone.

Aaron turned between them, looking hopeful. “Can we agree to disagree?”

“Why not,” Lee shrugged.

Laurens looked at him suspiciously, but agreed with a warning, of course, “Sure. This isn’t over though, _Lee._ ”

The other man waved over his shoulder as he walked away. “I didn’t expect any less from you!”

Aaron gave Alexander a knowing look before brushing past him to open the library door.

Later, John had seemed utterly confused about what had happened. “How did I back down from a fight with Lee?” Alexander shrugged.

“I don’t know, maybe Burr planted a peace-keeping mojo bag on you somewhere.”

“Goddammit, Alexander. You know I’m from the South, and there is no voodoo shit allowed in this house, nuh-uh. Voodoo is not a joke, for real, one time-“ And then he went off into a lecture about how his great-great-grandfather was turned into a coyote by his ex-wife, or something. But he never mentioned the fight again after the initial confusion. It was strange, but Alexander had pretty much expected it. It was Burr’s doing after all.

That same doing was what convinced him at the moment not to worry about Maria unless Eliza called, or if he saw something happen for himself.

He just hoped that they wouldn’t be too late.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pure fluff because chances are the next chapter is going to ruin everything again
> 
> also, i know that john laurens historically could have never even met james hemings  
> and i don't care  
> just let me live my life

When they got back to his dorm, Alexander was slightly embarrassed that he hadn’t remembered John was there too. He opened the door, letting Aaron walk in first, only to hear two startled noises. One came from Aaron, and the other came from his roommate.

“So I take it the party went well?” John said smugly, looking up from his computer as the two of them walked in. Aaron looked at him with a raised brow, probably meaning ‘ _Really? You whined to him about me too?’_ and Alexander could only shrug. John was his friend, and even if he wasn’t particularly skilled in problem-solving, he was good at listening and was someone Alexander could bounce his ideas off of, someone who would understand where he was coming from.

“Oh, shut up, John, I’m sure you had all the fun in the world sitting in silence,” Alexander went to the refrigerator to grab a beer and a Sprite, since he knew Aaron didn’t drink, before flopping down on his bed. He held out the soda but didn’t make any move to get off the bed again. “Not like we’re going to fuck right in front of you,” Aaron scoffed and took the Sprite before flopping right next to Alexander.

“Please don’t.”

“I would never! At least, not in front of _you_ ,” Aaron looked at him, confused, so he explained further. “John is asexual. To be more specific, demi-homoromantic sex-repulsed asexual, but he doesn’t say all of that, because well, to be completely honest, it sounds like the scientific classification for a turtle,” John burst into laughter at that, and he grinned. “But apparently, he’d love to be the honorary asexual turtle of the school, and we should all refer to him chiefly as his full orientation. I’ll propose it to the school board.”

:"You could've just said that I'm your best friend, and you wouldn't do that to me, but sure. That's a good enough reason," John shrugged.

Aaron smiled, not quite surprised by this information. “The asexual turtle? You should write a children’s book, John.”

“Oh god, no, do you really want a children’s book about an alcoholic fight club turtle?” John laughed again and turned to Alexander. “Well, I don’t doubt your promise, but I was just going on a date anyway. Surprisingly enough, I’m probably going to have to go through the asexual spiel for a second time tonight.”

Alexander suddenly bolted upright to sit on the bed. “With who? Do I have to give someone the shovel talk? You haven’t said anything about a date before.”

“James Hemings. He works at the crepe place. And no you absolutely _do not,_ and you haven’t heard anything because none of our previous dates have been official. I just go there, and he comes out when his shift is over. We’ve been talking for a while."

“Okay, dude, be honest. Are you going on this date for free crepes? Because unfortunately I know that’s something I’d do. Is he going to make you crepes? Also his sister was at the party, but she was making out with Jefferson, so…”

John put his head in his hands as he stood up. “No, Alex. I’m going because he’s entertaining and nice and I like him. And he probably knows about that, considering he was Jefferson’s partner during their student abroad culinary arts thing in France.”

Alexander fluttered his eyelashes dramatically and put a hand to his chest. “Ooh, what a stud.”

“Oh, come off it, we’ve talked for a while,” John rolled his eyes. “He’s a _friend._ ”

“I don’t doubt it, but I’m just saying. Sounds swoop-worthy.”

“ _Alexander,_ ” his roommate scolded pointedly, reaching for the door as he spoke. “I’ll be back later, and I’ll tell you what happened, okay? Stay safe, you crazy kids,” John shook his head. And with that, they were left alone once again.

It was silence for a moment, Alexander twiddling his thumbs and Aaron still laying back, staring at the ceiling, unopened soda in hand.

Then, Aaron broke the silence by sitting up and placing the soda can on Alexander’s desk/side table, then turning to him with a soft determined look. “Kiss me?”

“Yeah,” the other man breathed, almost inaudible, as he leaned forward to close the gap between them. It was gentler than any of the kisses earlier, even if those hadn’t been particularly rough. It was a sort of cycle, Alexander would dip down to kiss him, just a ghost of a touch, then he’d pull away and come back seconds later. Aaron was still mostly compliant, but after a few short wet pecks, he pushed forward for more. Alexander gave in, keeping it soft but staying put. He let his hand trail to the back of Aaron’s neck, holding him there. 30 seconds was apparently enough time to become impatient for him though, because then he was tugging at Aaron’s sleeves, pushing him back, maneuvering his body until he was laid out on the bed with his head on the pillow. That made it easier for Alexander to surge forward for more kisses, and he heard a small pleased hum from beneath him. “Aaron?” He heard another soft noise, as he noticed that the other man’s eyes were closed. “Did you really think I would tell other people that you were trans?” It wasn’t accusatory, but when Aaron’s face twisted up, he knew he’d said the wrong thing. “I’m not gonna- hold it against you, or anything. I just… I’m curious. And I’m sorry, for bringing it up again, really.”

Aaron pushed himself up onto his elbows and slowly opened his eyes. “Honestly? Yes,” he whispered so quietly, Alexander was almost sure he hadn’t heard correctly. “I did.”

Alexander nodded, pressing his head into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck, and tried not to imagine Aaron feeling hopeless and terrified because of him. “God, I’m so sorry. I never meant to scare you like that, and just know now that I would never do something like that, I’d _die_ before-“

“I know,” Aaron flopped back down and ran his fingers through Alexander’s hair. “And I forgive you. I was scared about it, but that’s over, so if we could get back to kissing, that would be great?”

Alexander sighed and smiled a bit. “Of course,” he said, letting the other man pull him down to meet his lips again. Their entire bodies were pressed up against one another with how Alexander had lowered himself just enough not to crush Aaron, but it didn’t escalate. He found that he liked this type of kiss, heavy but not sexual, gentle but not faint.

Aaron, however, was soon lightly pushing him away. He went without any fight, of course, and leaned back on his heels but raised an eyebrow. Alexander didn’t have any issues with him not wanting to be kissed anymore, but he’d seemed to be enjoying himself. Before he could worry about what he could have done wrong though, Aaron sat up and got on his knees as well, hesitant, before straddling Alexander with a false confidence, putting a hand on his chest to balance himself.

“Is this okay?” His voice wavered, betraying some of the uncertainty he felt.

Alexander nodded, disbelieving, as he felt Aaron’s legs wrap around his waist. “Yeah, totally okay,” He had a gorgeous law student (which was apparently a relationship goal for most freshmen, but a source of terrible anxiety for anyone else- he had even discovered, when flirting with Angelica, that there was a handbook for dating law students) draped over his lap, currently pulling him in by his hoodie strings for another kiss. _In what universe is this not completely okay?_

They stayed like that for who knows how long, tangled in each other, but after a while, Alexander’s legs were going numb from being folded under him for that amount of time. He tried to be subtle about moving his hands from the back of Aaron’s neck to his sides, which apparently worked, because the man made a surprised noise- not quite high-pitched or loud enough to be a squeak, but it was somewhere along those lines- when Alexander picked him up. He didn’t have enough leverage to hold him for very long, what with the angle and the current stabbing pain in his legs, but he could at least deposit Aaron on the bed next to him to stretch out his legs. Alexander ignored the pins and needles in favor of sitting on the edge of the bed and inviting him back to sit in his rightful place- Alexander’s lap, of course- with a pat.

Aaron raised an eyebrow but went back to straddling him with little hesitation, this time pressing himself even closer. It was mostly to avoid falling off of the bed, but Alexander allowed himself to enjoy the closeness regardless of the reason. They didn’t kiss again, but instead they just sat, their heads on each other’s shoulders. Even without speaking, Aaron still managed to soothe him with the soft puffs of air against his neck at every exhale. Alexander tried to reciprocate at least slightly by wrapping his arms around the man and rubbing his back, but he doubted that Aaron was as soothed as he was.

He had to wonder if Aaron was still wary of him. He’d have good reason to be, and he wasn’t exactly notorious for talking about his feelings. He quickly shut down efforts to talk about how the previous day had affected him, but it could have just been that he was embarrassed, or that he didn’t want to dwell on something that had hurt him so badly, especially when they had nice times in the present to occupy themselves with.

“Aaron,” Alexander said, the suddenness of it being muffled by how quiet his voice was.

“Yeah?”

“Did you have any pets as a kid?”

Aaron pulled back a bit to look at Alexander with a puzzled expression. “Are you trying to hack into my email or something? Because if so, you might as well know that my mother’s maiden name was Edwards,” They both laughed at that, but Aaron stopped only to smile and shake his head. “But no, I didn’t have any real pets as a kid. My sister and I lived with a lot of different relatives, and even a foster family. They usually died within a year of us coming to stay. Not a lot of time to buy a dog. My uncle Timothy married a girl named Rhoda when I was… 15, I think? She brought along her two boys, and a nice old Bullmastiff named Camilla. At least then I wasn’t lonely. For the better part of 2 years, I stuck to hanging out with the dog,” He laughed again. “Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t talk to you about, you know, personal stuff a lot. I guess I don’t really know you all that well, and I thought we could fix that. Only if you want to talk about stuff like that though,” Alexander paused. “And I suppose I haven’t really talked much about my past either, other than the orphan from the Caribbean part.”

Aaron nodded, but immediately said, “I disagree,” with a smile. “I don’t think you need to hear a person’s tragic backstory to know them. You get to know someone by talking to them.”

Alexander’s brow furrowed. “No offense, but you don’t really talk a lot.”

“Fair enough. Ask as many mundane questions as your heart desires.”

“Don’t answer if you don’t want to, okay?” He looked at Aaron with a stern expression, definitely asserting that he wasn’t going to let discomfort slide.

“Believe me, there are few questions I won’t answer… for you, I mean. Obviously I don’t answer these questions for most other people, but,” Aaron tried to find the words, possibly trying for ones that didn’t sound ridiculously sentimental. “You’re clearly not most other people.”

Alexander smiled. “Okay. What’s your favorite color?”

“Green.”

“Seriously?” He could have sworn Aaron wore blue most of the time. “Whatever. What’s your favorite restaurant around campus?”

“Basilico, that Italian place on 34th Street. Not around campus, but it’s close enough, right?” Aaron seemed endeared by the idea that Alexander could physically manage asking ordinary questions.

“Sure. Do you have any siblings?”

“An older sister, Sarah,” he replied, the words clipped. He didn’t sound particularly bitter or sad, but there was some undiscernible emotion behind it that Alexander was curious about.

“Where is she?”

“Connecticut, fresh out of college, with her husband. No kids yet, and as far as I’ve heard, she’s happy where she is. Husband’s a school principal, ten years older than her, and she went to Germany last year. That’s all I’ve been told from her emails, and the last one was sent in June. She asked how my transition was going once, but I could kind of tell it was an attempt at small talk,” He shook his head. “I’m not really angry at her; she has better things to do, and I don’t blame her for not caring, but I wish we’d been closer as kids,” Aaron crossed his arms over his chest, sighing. “Sorry, I don’t get a chance to say this to many people.”

“Oh,” Alexander said dumbly, feeling terrible that even though Aaron didn’t look distraught, there was most likely nothing he could do to give him a closer relationship with his sister. “You don’t have to apologize. I wouldn’t ask a question I didn’t want to know the answer to. The _full_ answer,” he paused. “I like hearing you talk anyway.”

Aaron’s eyebrows shot up, and his lips quirked up at the corners. “You do?”

“Please don’t make me regret saying that.”

“I can’t promise anything,” he replied with a shrug, before leaning in to kiss Alexander’s forehead. “But I can assure you that ranting won’t become an everyday event for me just because I’m with you now. You do enough of that for the both of us.”

Alexander was too busy reeling from the way _I’m with you now_ sounded coming out of Aaron’s mouth to be offended by his last comment. “Uh huh. Well that’s a relief.”

Aaron didn’t respond, just buried his face in Alexander’s chest and closed his eyes. The silence was, for once, one that didn’t make him uncomfortable, make him want to fidget or bring up a new topic. Most of the fights he got himself into were founded out of boredom, anyway. Silence was usually a cue to rile people up. It seemed similar to the silence that had blanketed over them the day before, but surprisingly, Aaron was the first one to speak this time. “Any other questions?”

“If your parents were still alive, would you come out to them?”

Aaron was quiet for a minute, and Alexander couldn’t help but worry that he’d said the wrong thing. There was no need for that when he realized Aaron was pulling away to respond. “I don’t know,” he said, earnest and small. “I never knew them, so I can only guess how they’d react. I always hope they’d be accepting, but my father was a preacher, and my mother’s father was too, so I know it’s probably wishful thinking,” he paused. “Would you come out to yours?”

Alexander shrugged. “Probably not. My mom might have accepted me, but I feel like I wouldn’t have talked about it anyway. And my dad wasn’t exactly there to hear it, so… I doubt that I’d ever try to tell him, much less be able to in the first place.”

Aaron nodded in understanding, staring at his lap as if trying to solve a problem in his head. He didn’t say anything, and another silence reigned. That time it got to be too tense for Alexander’s liking, so he nudged the other man’s arm gently to get his attention.

“Hey,” he started in a murmur. “Do you wanna go to sleep now?”

“Alexander Hamilton? Willingly going to sleep? I never thought I’d see the day,” Aaron joked, and he’d never say it out loud but God, did Alexander love that smile. “Are you sure John won’t be mad about me staying?”

“I’ll have you know, I love sleeping,” he said, complete with a false seriousness. “At least on weekends. Kissing takes a lot of energy out of a man, okay? And anyway, it’s already 1 AM, so… Only a bit earlier than usual,” Aaron looked a bit concerned at that, but Alexander shrugged with a wavy hand gesture, and his smile returned with a kind eye-roll. “And of course he won’t be mad. He’ll probably just take pictures of us sleeping and post them with a well-meaning ‘ew’ as the caption.”

“If you say so,” Aaron quipped, begrudgingly sliding off Alexander’s lap to take off his shoes and unzip his pants. He kicked them under the bed just enough so they weren’t a tripping hazard, while the other man did the same with his jeans. He didn’t bother with his hoodie, and neither did Aaron with the sweater.

“You know, you strike me as the type of guy who sleeps with your nose to the wall,” Alexander noted, slowly shifting to pull the comforter over himself, when Aaron climbed back onto the bed.

“Maybe with my _back_ to the wall,” he replied, shrugging. As expected, he climbed right over Alexander to be wedged between him and the wall. Once Aaron was under the comforter with him, he realized, or rather remembered, how fucking warm the other man was.

“This may sound weird, but holy shit, like we are both really warm and soft, and it’s great.”

Aaron looked too smug for his own good, curling in closer, slipping one leg over Alexander’s hip and the other closer to being between his legs. “I’m glad you’ve become self-aware,” But honestly, Alexander was seriously doubting that he'd ever felt anyone who had as soft skin as Aaron did. It almost made him feel insecure. He knew he was attractive and generally a good bed-mate- no doubt about it, but the other man was so lean and plush, and he fit perfectly in Alexander's arms, like he was meant to be there. It was hard to top that.

“Hard not to be. But seriously- how do you keep your feet warm? I thought everyone’s toes were freezing by default,” Alexander was borderline impressed and quickly sought to squirm closer to him, moving to rest his forehead against Aaron's.

Aaron, for his part, closed his eyes and hummed for a minute before answering. “Magic,” he whispered with a _very_  poor imitation of jazz hands. (He was apparently unwilling to pull them fully out from beneath the comforter to give the proper gesture.)

“Of course,” he snorted. “And a magician never reveals his secrets.”

“Precisely.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i didn't put a graphic violence tag, but just in case be careful  
> i mean srsly the guy deserves it but he does get beaten pretty badly it's just not described in detail or anything
> 
> also yes, this chapter is wildly dramatic compared to the others
> 
> and yes, this is not the right way to host a rescue party or deal with mental illness
> 
> just a psa

**4 missed calls from eliiiiiza**

-

 

Alexander woke up around noon, to a soft warm body pressed against his side underneath the covers that was suspiciously Aaron Burr-shaped. To be completely honest, he was only partially awake, but nonetheless, it was a nice sight to open his eyes to even if he closed them immediately afterwards.

He heard his phone buzzing repeatedly and huffed at the inconvenience of Facebook notifications. He didn’t even spare the phone a glance, choosing instead to squirm closer to Aaron, who began to rouse. The other man frowned momentarily, but he opened his eyes soon enough and apparently remembered who he was with. Aaron grumbled and shoved his face harder into Alexander’s chest to escape the light from the window.

Reluctantly, Alexander turned away a bit to see that John wasn’t in the room. It was a bit strange, considering it was a Sunday, and John didn’t have any classes on Sundays. But he supposed that his roommate had spent the night at Hemings’ place or was just eating lunch somewhere. It wasn’t strange enough to be an issue.

So he turned back to Aaron, who was pouting at him in the most immature way a law student could muster. He shrugged and re-wrapped his arms around the man. He must have drifted off again at some point, because the next thing he knew, Aaron was sitting up, shaking him awake, while John stood by the bed with his arms crossed over his chest.

“What, what, I’m awake,” he groused and sat up. After blinking a few times, he could see that they both looked quite grim, Laurens’ expression bordering more on anger and Aaron’s more on worry. “What is it?”

“The situation with Maria got worse. He won’t let her leave their apartment,” Aaron answered quietly.

His blood ran cold. “He? Who is he?” Alexander asked, frantic.

“James Reynolds, her boyfriend,” John answered that time, sounding all wrong. His voice was monotone and disinterested, and his eyes were blank. “Eliza ran into the lunch hall to tell me, so now we’re holding a rescue mission.”

Aaron apparently did not like the sound of that, clutching at the blanket to soothe his nerves as he spoke. “Shouldn’t we call the police?”

“The cops around here, if my memory serves me well, don’t really give a shit about college students, especially people of color,” John said, with a distinctly bitter smile. “And who’s to say she won’t defend him? She might be dependent on him for money.”

Alexander nodded, albeit hesitantly, and grabbed Aaron’s hand. “There are some things we have to do ourselves,” he said, barely believing his own words. He found that he had to. Partly because he knew that John was going to be set on something like this, and partly because he was scared. Scared that John was right. He _did_ have more run-ins with the police than any of his other friends, and issues with the police were becoming more than isolated incidents. If they just called the police, she might have denied the abuse, she might have worn makeup to hide it. If Reynolds thought it was a close call, he might have decided she wasn’t worth his time and-

He couldn’t finish that sentence.

John looked back at him. “Should we get Herc and Lafayette?”

“Maybe Herc, but the less people who are involved, the better,” It was starting to sound like a murder plot, but as much as he would have loved to kill James Reynolds in cold blood, that wasn’t the plan. It was just to get Maria to safety.

John sent a quick text and pocketed his phone. “You should probably get dressed. We don’t want to get there too late,” Aaron tightened his grip on Alexander’s hand at that, and he squeezed back, not quite comfortable with the way John was speaking to them. He knew why, and he understood, he really did. It was just hard to hear.

Especially for Aaron, who didn’t know why, who didn’t understand.

After pulling on jeans, he noticed that the man was still sitting on the bed with his knees to his chest. “Aaron?” That got his attention. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Aaron shook his head.

“I’m fine, I want to be there to help her,” He also pulled his slacks back on, making sure to turn away from John as he did. John wasn’t even looking, instead leaning up against the doorway, and was staring at his phone intently.

They both got their shoes on and followed John out the door. Aaron’s face was all twisted up, like he was going to be sick, and Alexander nudged his shoulder in an attempt to console him. To be fair, they really had no idea what they were going to walk in on. John didn’t speak to them at all on the way down to the ground floor, and only mentioned that Hercules and Eliza were also going to meet them there.

“How did she get back to the apartment? I thought she was spending the night with Eliza,” Alexander asked. He didn’t ever get the full story, as they had sort of rushed out the door.

“James called her and told her to come back, and she insisted on obeying,” John shrugged.

Aaron looked at his feet as they walked to John’s car. “She probably thought she’d get hurt worse if she didn’t,” he mumbled.

“Yeah.”

John didn’t respond. The car ride was silent too, at least until Hercules got in. He was just wearing a t-shirt and jeans, like he was going to a bar and not to rescue a girl from her abusive boyfriend.

“Fuck, man. Do you know where this place is? Are you gonna kick his ass?” Hercules didn’t quite sound excited, as much as he did anticipatory. It wasn’t particularly positive or negative. Alexander couldn’t see him from his own spot in the backseat, but his voice sounded more disbelieving than anything.

John shrugged. “I know where we’re going,” He didn’t bother answering the other question.

“We’re gonna pick up Eliza first though, right?”

Sighing heavily, John nodded. It was clear that he didn’t want Eliza to be there, when they did- whatever they were going to do. Alexander hoped his roommate had a plan, because getting there wasn’t the hard part. The hard part was knowing what to do once they were actually at James Reynolds’ doorstep. In retrospect, they hadn’t really formed an idea of what was going to happen.

Or at least, John hadn’t enlightened them as to what was going to happen.

The car went quiet again, and Alexander squeezed Aaron’s hand in an attempt to soothe his nerves, all too clear to see in his expression. It wasn’t long before Eliza was rushing out of her apartment at the sound of a car horn, eyes red and expression sullen.

As soon as she opened the backdoor, she was talking. “God, I shouldn’t have let her, I should have made her stay, and then-“

Alexander grabbed her hand as well. “Eliza, it’s not your fault. It could have been even worse if you did make her stay,” She quieted at that and wiped her eyes slowly.

“You’re right,” she whispered. “Thanks for coming with us,” Eliza then looked at Aaron and must have seen his trepidation as well. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll get her,” Aaron just nodded but didn’t appear to be placated by the reassurance at all. Eliza and Alexander glanced at each other, exchanging worried looks, but didn’t say a word.

Around 3 minutes later, John pulled into an apartment complex parking lot. Everyone in the car immediately tensed. None of them had recognized the complex, and they all simultaneously realized that it was the one. John parked in the corner near a stairway just as Eliza shakily informed him, “It’s 11B.”

He practically jumped out of the car and slammed the door behind him as Herc undid his seat belt. “John, wait! You don’t-“ Instead of finishing the sentence, he huffed, clearly frustrated. “I think you guys should come too,” Herc said this even as he was already standing outside the car, only leaning in to look at Alexander, Eliza, and Aaron, who were still in the backseat.

Eliza nodded and turned to Alexander again. “She needs our help. So does John,” That apparently was able to spur him into action, because despite his anxiety and probably his best judgment, he opened the car door to climb out. Aaron followed after, and Eliza got out on her side. It was on the ground floor, but it was farther away from where they had parked. They could see John, up ahead of them almost at the door, and began to walk more hastily.

They were almost three-quarters of the way to 11B when John stopped at the room and looked at the door for a moment. Hercules and Alexander broke into a sprint when they saw John try the doorknob and subsequently force the door open with his boot.

They reached the door first, Eliza and Aaron following closely, to see John pull a man- presumably James Reynolds- by the shirt collar off of Maria. She was sobbing and holding her hand to her chest, almost doubled over. Eliza went to tend to her, but was stopped by Herc, who mouthed ‘don’t’ and gestured to John.

The aforementioned man was pre-occupied with slamming Reynolds to the ground and dealing out the most brutal punches Alexander had ever seen. They both knew that he wasn’t in his right mind, and anyone who got in his way would probably earn a broken nose for their troubles. Aaron looked more and more horrified with every strike, and Maria looked equally so, but she shuffled, keeping along the wall and more importantly _out of John’s warpath_ , all the way to the door and practically fell into Eliza’s arms.

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” she whispered, barely audible. “I didn’t think it would get this bad.”

Eliza hugged her fiercely and stroked her hair, trying to hide her own tears by resting her head on Maria’s shoulder. “Don’t you dare apologize for him. Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Maria shook her head. “I think my wrist is sprained though,” Eliza nodded and held her closer.

Hercules just leaned against the doorframe, watching John beat the man senseless. “You fucking bastard,” he shouted as Reynolds made a disconcerting gurgling noise. “Who’s the weak one now, you son of a bitch?” Alexander winced. He truly did wish men like James Reynolds were all dead, he did. Someone getting killed was one thing. Watching your best friend beat someone to death because of past trauma, seeing his eyes go dull and realize that he probably doesn’t know who he’s beating- Reynolds or his father- was a completely other, _terrifying_ thing. Reynolds tried to put a hand up in defense, weakly clenching his bloody fingers around John’s forearm before it fell limp. He was unconscious. Or dead.

Alexander heard Maria let out another choked off sob, even more permeating now that the only sound was John’s ragged breathing. He got off Reynolds’ chest and wiped his knuckles on his pants.

Eliza, still holding a shaking Maria, looked between him and Alexander. “Is he dead?” she whispered.

“No.”

Herc stepped forward, seemingly exhausted with this whole thing. He sighed and went to grab Reynolds by the shoulder and flip him on his stomach. “No, but he will be if you leave him on his back like that.”

“Why don’t you let him choke on his own blood? Seems fitting to me,” John retorted.

Another sigh. “John, we both know you don’t want that,” and the man finally flinched, not quite back to reality yet, but at least having second thoughts.

Eliza was currently looking between all of them. “I… I can take Maria back to my apartment in her car?” The other girl nodded, clearly afraid of being near John for any length of time. They stepped out, Eliza taking the time to hug both Alexander and Aaron, the latter with a kiss to the man’s forehead and a hand squeeze.

 _Oh god, Aaron,_ Alexander had thought of him, of course, but he hadn’t thought of what to do in case Aaron had been traumatized. “Are you okay?” he asked when Eliza and Maria were out of sight.

Aaron nodded slowly, not looking okay, but also not looking like he was on the verge of tears. That was good enough for the moment. “I just think we should leave,” he said this staring at the back of John’s head while he, in turn, stared at the specks of blood that hit the sofa’s upholstery.

“I think you’re right,” Herc gently tapped John out of his reverie and pointed towards the door. “John, let’s go.”

“I…” John started, swallowing visibly. “I didn’t mean to-“

Hercules nodded and put a hand on his back. “I know you didn’t mean to, he deserved it, but we just don’t want for you to get in trouble, alright? It wasn’t your fault,” John leaned into him and blinked. He looked utterly defeated and lost. Herc wrapped an arm around him and squeezed. “I know you just didn’t want her to get hurt.”

Alexander motioned for Aaron, and they walked out ahead of the other two just as John sobbed weakly. He walked faster, knowing that Herc was probably the only one he wanted to see, and that he could take care of it.

“What was that all about?” Aaron asked once they were a significant distance from 11B.

He sighed. “John has had a lot of mental health issues… for a while,” Alexander knew that almost better than anybody. “His dad really fucked him up, and he lashes out at people who remind him of that. It’s rarely pretty.”

Aaron made a sympathetic noise. “What about Hercules? How did he calm him down?”

Alexander paused for a moment. He wasn’t sure how Herc did it. “I really don’t know. But they’re very close, physically and emotionally. Herc just knows how to be sympathetic and make sure he’s stable, while also making sure he knows it’s wrong. He just… In the moment, he doesn’t know what he’s doing,” he explained. “It’s not as bad when he’s on meds, but the last ones made him nauseous, and the ones before that had him losing weight like crazy. Herc can usually calm him down before any damage is done, but I guess he didn’t bother this time because Reynolds deserved _something._ I don’t think he knew John was going to beat him half to death.”

“How do you think he’d respond to therapy?” Of course Aaron was trying to look for ways to help a guy immediately after seeing him practically knock someone’s teeth out.

Alexander had to laugh, but schooled his features when Aaron’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I’m not laughing at your suggestion, just… Never mind. It would just be hard to get him to go, at first. Once he was actually there, it’d be okay, but he had a bad therapist before, so recently he’s been avoiding them,” He had been reading a magazine in the lobby when he heard yelling from the office in which John’s session was proceeding. Turns out, the therapist had argued with him about the Confederate flag debacle, and probably regretted the decision later when John was screaming threats at her.

“The LGBT center Peggy works at has free counseling, and you know he’d find like-minded people there,” Aaron suggested as he opened the car door. Alexander could only nod. He couldn’t talk to John about it after that, because he would take it as his roommate wanting to throw him in a halfway house, but he knew that if something didn’t change quickly, John would wind up dead, some way, somehow.

It only took maybe a minute for Herc and John to catch up with them and climb into the front, although this time, Hercules was in the driver’s seat. “John, you’re violent, and that, we all know,” Alexander couldn’t see his face, but when he heard John laugh at that, he was sure he heard a congestion of tears behind it. “But you are not like him. You’ll never be like him. Understand me?”

“Understood,” John mumbled, wrapping a few tissues around his knuckles and plucking another to wipe his eyes. Whether “him” was James Reynolds or Henry Laurens, he couldn’t discern. Aaron said nothing, as usual, and Alexander could barely stand how tense it had become. He could get _why_ no one was talking, but that didn’t make him less anxious. The bloody handprint on John’s arm wasn’t visible, as he’d pulled down his previously rolled up shirt sleeve to hide it, but knowing that it was still there was shudder-worthy enough.

Luckily, the ride was short, because Herc was coming back with them. Once they got to the dorm room, it was a bit better, because John (whose eyes were still disturbingly dull) and Herc (who was scolding John in a way that was motherly enough not to upset him) had gone into the bathroom to disinfect the former’s scraped knuckles.

They both sat on the bed. It was still silent other than the faint sound of a running faucet, but it was at least nice to be out of 11B, with its bloody upholstery and Reynolds’ slack arm falling to the floor.

Aaron stuck his face into the crook of Alexander’s neck, his cheek touching the other man’s jawline. “It’s going to be okay.”

“What if he presses charges for assault? John can’t go to jail,” but even as he said that, he was leaning in to pepper kisses on Aaron’s face. He was still on edge, but it was more under control now that they were safer. When he rubbed his palm against the worn knee of his jeans, Aaron ceased the movement by placing his own hand on Alexander’s.

“Look, I’m a law student, and you can trust me on this. Even though his claims would still be valid even if Maria’s bruises were given as evidence of abuse, chances are, he _doesn’t know that._ And it would get John arrested, but if he thinks there’s any chance of Maria filing charges, he won’t, because that would get him arrested too. He was in my Finance class one semester, and I heard them talking about a Class A Misdemeanor for domestic abuse and an assault charge that was dropped; the reasoning was a mistrial. Believe me when I say that Reynolds doesn’t want another rendezvous with the NYPD,” Aaron finally took a breath and smiled briefly at the other man, making clear that he was proud of himself. It wasn’t particularly hard-to-find information, but considering none of them had realized it before, it _was_ a revelation.

“Holy shit, you’re right, they’ll never believe him.”

Aaron nodded and grimaced. “Unfortunately, the violent black male stereotype only helps John in this case,” He looked particularly bitter, and rightfully so. Chances were that he’d been racially profiled to be ‘threatening-looking,’ which even aside from race, was a completely bogus accusation. Aaron wore over-sized cashmere sweaters and half of the time looked like he’d just come back from a good game of golf. The other half, he looked like he could star in a toothpaste commercial. Alexander distantly hoped that any officer who stopped him was embarrassed about it afterwards, because they’d probably kept him from a family barbecue or his daughter’s soccer game or some equally mundane event within the assumptions of a white family-man cop.

Alexander swiped a hand across his face. “God, don’t tell him that.”

Aaron nodded again. “We just have to wait and see what happens.”

He was about to say that he didn’t quite like that plan when his phone buzzed, and now that shit like this was happening, he supposed he learned his lesson about ignoring texts. “Let me see who it is,” he said, mostly to himself as he took out his phone.

 

**From: eliiiiiza**

Did you guys make it back ok? Maria is sleeping and is going to take a week or 2 off

 

**To: eliiiiiza**

yeah, we’re fine

**From: eliiiiiza**

Alright

 

**New Message (1)**

 

Alexander sighed. Would he ever get to rest? He mourned his already fucked sleep schedule.

 

**From: macaroni fucker**

Look u know I would never ask for ur help unless I had to, and unfortunately for the both of us, I have to. After u left the party, I kind of maybe kissed James and he won’t talk to me now and DON’T U DARE think this means we r friends but I kind of need u to make sure he’s alright and maybe ask him what the fuck

 

**To: macaroni fucker**

you do know he’s asexual right

 

 

**From: macaroni fucker**

Of course I fuckin know he’s ace y’all were late to the coming out party bc he likes me more

**From: macaroni fucker**

Or, liked me more, bc he probably hates me now

 

**To: macaroni fucker**

don’t get dramatic with me you southern fried piece of shit

**To: macaroni fucker**

i’ll ask him just to keep you indebted to me

**To: macaroni fucker**

HAVE FAITH IN A FELLOW VIRGINIAN JEFFERSON HE’LL COME AROUND

 

**From: macaroni fucker**

Asshole

**From: macaroni fucker**

Thanks tho xoxo


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> march 12th is my birthday and i've been really busy for the past two weeks
> 
> so this chapter is like 2 weeks overdue and also a bit shorter than the others
> 
> i sorry
> 
> have some jeffmads negotiation

Although exhausted, Alexander decided it was best to start looking for Madison immediately. Anyway, the atmosphere of his dorm had become too tense, and he could tell that Aaron was getting antsy.

“Apparently, we’re going on a manhunt for a certain James Madison. Jefferson tried to kiss him, and he ran away in pure terror,” Alexander finally sighed, sitting up on the bed. He hadn’t even gotten to take his shoes off.

“Cold feet?” Aaron’s lip curled faintly.

He snorted. Madison was the definition of anxiety. He was usually able to get past it with a few deep breaths and moments of quiet, but he was still pretty easily shaken. And Jefferson wasn’t exactly a fan of suspense. He’d probably launched himself at James. “Yeah, something like that. I guess we should go find him. Shouldn’t be that hard, he never leaves campus.”

Aaron nodded.

Alexander stood up with a groan and rolled his shoulders, getting up off the bed. He whistled and headed over to the bathroom door. He heard soft murmurs, mostly Herc, as he got closer but didn’t try to hear what they were saying. Instead, he knocked on the door thrice to announce his presence and spoke once the murmurs ceased. “Hey, Aaron and I are going out. Herc, you can stay as long as you want. We might be gone for a while.”

Two separate ‘alright’s from the other side of the door, and they were off. Alexander tugged at Aaron’s sweater sleeve until he conceded, standing up and following the other man out.

“So where do we start?” he asked as soon as they were on the sidewalk. “And are we just going to walk around campus until we find James Madison?”

“At his dorm. Gave me a key in first semester and never thought to take it back. And yes, we are. Come on, you can walk a mile, can’t you? It takes much less time than if we were stuck in Midtown traffic.”

Aaron rolled his eyes and locked their fingers together, perhaps trying to mask his anxiety. Alexander let him. There was no reason to confront him about it now; they could talk later. “Oh, come off it. Of course I can walk. Where’s his dorm?”

“Clark Street. Old ass building. Can’t miss it,” Alexander said, as he began to walk down the concrete pavement. Aaron gave a quizzical noise, probably meaning that he wasn’t familiar with the area. It didn’t quite matter, because Alexander knew the way.

And anyhow, it went unspoken, but they were both just glad to be out of that dorm room.

Alexander walked left, recalling that it was only a few blocks away at most. “Maybe after Madison is no longer Gone Girl, we can get something to eat. That Italian place you were talking about, is it far?” He tried to make conversation, knowing that discussing what happened would only make them both more uneasy. It might have been unhealthy to ignore, but right then, mentioning John’s situation would do more bad then good. Aaron apparently thought he’d already solved the mystery, and was just worried about what Reynolds would do as payback by that time, but Alexander wasn’t even sure about the legal side of that yet.

“Not really,” Aaron said, and then he appeared to have a revelation, smirked triumphantly. “Anyway, you can walk, can’t you?”

Alexander’s lip twitched. “Is that a challenge?”

“Maybe.”

Of course. Aaron, non-committal as always. What usually would have made Alexander outraged was then endearing when paired with a coy smile and daring eyes. Unable to resist, he leaned forward to kiss him to feel the smile against his lips.

Alexander, much to his annoyance, involuntarily let out a dreamy sigh. “I love you.”

Aaron was still smiling, and it didn’t falter as he squeezed the other man’s hand. “I know,” he said simply, and walked faster, pulling Alexander along after him.

“Don’t you Han Solo me, you dick,” he laughed, surprising himself. It wasn’t that he was really a master with deep feelings, he’d still expected to be more offended that Aaron’s automatic response hadn’t been ‘I love you too.’ But he wasn’t. It almost seemed to him like they’d said it already, or perhaps more disturbingly, Aaron had been waiting for him to say it for longer than he knew. He didn’t want to think about the fond glances and worried frowns that had occurred before they got together, but it was hard not to. He didn’t want to be self-centered, but he couldn’t help wondering if maybe Aaron had said that he loved him before when no one else could hear him. “How long have you had feelings for me? Was it just then or…?” He couldn’t help it. Truly.

Aaron looked at a distant building as he walked, not letting his expression give anything away. “A few months or so.”

“A few months?” Alexander almost choked. “How?”

He shrugged. “A lot of deep breaths to keep from murdering you and fantasizing to keep from quite possibly jumping you. Hiding your feelings is much easier when you don’t put them out there in the first place. Anyway, you practically forced me to love you with all of your half-baked ideas and fighting tendencies,” Aaron smirked at that and bumped their shoulders together.

“When you say fantasizing, do you mean-“ Now he huffed, cutting Alexander off.

“If you’re asking whether I touched myself thinking of you, the answer is yes,” he admitted. “And not to rain on your parade, but it wasn’t very often. Maybe once or twice.”

Still. The fact itself was jarring. “Man, I don’t care. You are gonna have to show me how you… yeah,” he coughed and sucked in a breath. “Yeah.”

Aaron seemed oblivious to his current suffering, and continued on. “Once was the time you got into a bar fight, and I patched you up. You seemed so content with your head on my shoulder,” He smiled wistfully at that- _god, why does he always have to look like he’s so proud of me?_ “But it wasn’t particularly sexual. You were just so close. When you stumbled out, uh, I wanted to be that close again, but of course, that wasn’t going to happen, so…”

“You’re fucking killing me, Aaron,” he groaned. Whether it was getting too sappy or too steamy for him, thinking about Aaron waiting for him like a daydreaming princess, or Aaron moaning for him because he wanted Alexander to be _close_ again, either way, he wasn’t having it. “You can show me later, exactly how you did it. Just… not now?”

Aaron blinked at him with false thoughtfulness. He’d been oblivious before, but now he was just teasing. “Later then.”

“Later,” he agreed, as they came upon Clark Street, and subsequently, Madison’s residence hall. “See? Didn’t take any time at all.”

Aaron nodded, probably staring at the Prohibition Era architecture of the place. It was a weird dorm to live in, according to most students, and Alexander could see why they thought that. It was just old though. Nothing really special about it, other than the fact that it probably cost a fortune to live there. Pretty and old usually equated to expensive as hell. Perfect for a pure southern belle like Madison.

“His room is up there,” He pointed to a room in the corner of the second floor. “The only reason I know is because it doesn’t have a room number,” Alexander spoke as he walked up the stairs. “No one seems to care who goes up here though.”

“For some reason that seems like something that could only happen to Madison,” Aaron said, his lips twitching into a small smile.

Alexander laughed as they came upon the door. “Yeah, he certainly doesn’t have the best luck on campus. I remember this time in high school Jefferson had beer in his locker, and all of his friends blamed Madison, and that almost got him expelled. Luckily for him, he was so good that they never even put it on his record, and just got a week or two of suspension. Let’s just say Jefferson got the cold shoulder for a while. _And_ let’s just say that Jefferson didn’t bother keeping those friends around for very long after they scapegoated his beau.”

“So they’ve been in love forever?”

Alexander shrugged. “Basically. I don’t know exactly how long, but I met them in freshman year, and they were already giving each other heart eyes by that point, so I can only guess how long they’ve been at it. Apparently they were childhood friends.”

Aaron nodded again at that and knocked on the door. “Then hopefully we can fix this,” he said quietly, waiting for the door to open. They both heard a grunt of assent from inside.

“Does that mean we can come in?” Alexander questioned, loud enough for anyone inside to hear. Another grunt. “I’m guessing that mean yes, so,” He opened the door, which was surprisingly unlocked. “I didn’t think it would open. Huh.”

Madison suddenly appeared from behind the wall that separated the entrance from the rest of the dorm, coffee mug in hand. “I did make a noise, didn’t I?”

“Sure you did,” Alexander snapped, knowing full well that he had made a noise, but also not appreciating the tone Madison was taking with him. “Let’s cut to the chase. What happened with you and Jefferson after we left the party? He asked me to come and fix this, so I assume he’s expecting an answer.”

“First of all, there isn’t anything to ‘fix,’ and also, he asked _you_ to come find me?”

Alexander nodded emphatically and stared down at Madison. “He’s that desperate. I mean, you gotta give him credit, he was trying to ask me in a nice way, he really was-“

Madison sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, then downed his coffee. “The issue isn’t with him; it isn’t even with me. It’s just, he has expectations that I can’t realistically meet, and he doesn’t know what he’s getting into.”

“Don’t tell me this is about your asexual-ness, because you and I both know damn well that despite Jefferson being a stupid prick, he wouldn’t pursue you if he expected something he knew you couldn’t give him,” Alexander retorted. Matchmaker wasn’t his occupation of choice, and he only hoped that he wouldn’t be doing it for much longer.

“That isn’t even the start of it. I don’t go out as much as he does, and I’m not loud or lively as he is,” He was clearly trying to be diplomatic, despite his annoyance with Alexander’s unfounded crossness. “We’re just too different.”

Alexander rolled his eyes and huffed exasperatedly. “Now that’s even stupider than worrying about sex. He’s already in love with you, and he’s known you for years; why wouldn’t he take your actual personality into account? He knows you don’t like crowds. He knows you hate bars. He’d never make you go to a party if you didn’t want to. Are you saying that you can’t be with him because you have different interests? What is your problem?”

“That’s not-“ Madison huffed right back. “It’s not that we have _different interests,_ we have _conflicting interests._ I would be keeping him from going out with his friends, or-“

“Uh, unless you’re planning on holding him hostage in your dorm, I think he’s enough of a big boy to go to parties on his own, isn’t he? God knows, you wouldn’t mind a few hours alone to read, you nerd,” Madison snorted, still looking angry, and shook his head. “How about you stop making excuses? I mean,” Alexander pointed to the man standing in the corner, watching with a raised brow. “-look at me and Aaron, we’re fine, and we’re about as different as hot and cold.”

Madison scoffed. “Not to be rude, but you and Aaron have been together for not even a full day, and before that, the only public affection you showed was arguing incessantly. So I hope you don’t take offense to me saying that I have a hard time seeing that particular example.”

Well, he was right. Aaron just shrugged. They couldn’t quite deny it.

“Okay, you got me there. But still. We are together now, aren’t we? And we’re the ones who’ve been arguing all this time. But you and Jefferson have been busy ogling each other when the other one looks away, and you’ve known him for, what, 12 years? And you two’ve been doodling hearts around your initials for about 10 of those. I’m just saying, you’re making excuses. Even if he really feels like he can’t go to parties without you- which won’t happen by the way, he loves you for sure, but he loves his parties too- and is bummed out about it like a jackass, he’ll be more miserable if you brush him off,” he finished, trying to redeem himself for using a ‘poor’ example, and even added in a, “Really,” for good measure.

Madison was quiet for a moment. Not that it was unusual, James was always more thoughtful than his taller counterpart, and unsurprisingly stopped to think about what he said before he said it. Alexander couldn’t relate, but he could admire the man for it. “You have a point, I guess, it’s just- I’m afraid. I can’t... I can’t lose him. As a friend, even.”

“You won’t, Jefferson wants you more than anything,” Alexander said before he could stop himself.  “Go see him, he’s probably getting anxious without you there.”

Madison rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay, I’ll go do that. Meanwhile, you should probably go home with your boyfriend; it’s getting dark outside. Thanks for... being coerced into talking to me.”

“Any time,” Alexander replied smoothly, relieved that Madison was smiling then. “And yeah, Aaron, we should probably go,” Aaron nodded and pushed himself off of the wall to grab Alexander’s hand. “I’m glad you’ve seen the error of your ways, my good man.”

They managed to hear Madison’s short laughter as they left.

“Well that was successful,” Aaron said, smiling slightly as they went down the stairs. He obviously wasn’t overjoyed, but it was at least polite happiness for the pair. A congratulatory happiness, for the sake of good manners and maybe a bit of his own sentimentality.

“Yeah, it was,” Alexander paused. “Jefferson is fucking lucky he has someone who can actually negotiate, or he would’ve been toast. And for the stupidest reasons too.”

The other man nodded, and kept silent for the rest of the walk.

-

They came home to a note on Alexander’s desk.

_Staying the night at Herc’s. Not sure when coming back. Don’t worry. – J. Laurens_

“I hope John’s okay,” Aaron noted over his shoulder as he read the note.

“He’s not, but he will be. Usually the situation isn’t as bad as this was, but it’s not his first time punching someone,” he sighed and put the note down, turning around to drape his arms over Aaron’s shoulders. “He’ll be better over there than with us. Herc knows how to deal with his anxiety,” and then a pause, “Plus, this gives you more time to show me what you were saying earlier.”

Aaron sat down on the bed and raised an eyebrow. “Still thinking about that?”

“Of course I am. What else would I think of this entire time? It was an incentive.”

He stretched out on the sheets and pushed his hips up. “Why don’t _you_ touch me?”

“You drive a hard bargain,” Alexander said, even as he climbed onto the bed with Aaron.

Puffs of Aaron’s breath hit the nape of his neck. He could feel the man smiling against his skin. “I’m a law student. Of course I do.”


End file.
